Last fall, my boyfriend of four years and I broke up after I discovered his infidelity, through his email account.
 He admits to having a homosexual affair with a very senior person in management, lasting five months in 2007. He insisted that he gave "him" up for

me; that "him" continued to pursue my boyfriend.
My boyfriend got fired/quit and worked elsewhere, around the corner; he insisted the affair was over. I pumped him but never was told a name.
In 2008 he had many Internet dates, which he admitted. Again, he refused to say who this senior executive was.
Friends reported that my boyfriend was still seeing "him."
I had a mission, and now know the executive's name, address, phone number, car and colour. He's married, with two adult children, and very

influential within the organization.
I feel his wife has the right to know. She can then decide her future.
My ex and I are on talking terms but live apart and won't be reuniting any time soon.
My lawyer has cost me a small fortune, my bank account has been drastically reduced, I just can't stop shopping - my excesses include, three dining sets, including a $6500 formal dining room for one person.
Do you feel a woman should know about their husband's infidelity?

- What to Do?

Give up your obsession with getting revenge, and your spending compulsion may also recede.
You can’t heal a deep, inner wound by inflicting it on this man’s wife; she may even know of his affairs, and won’t thank you for tossing it in her face. Their marriage is their business; your business is only about your own relationship, and you’ve already acted on that.
Now you’re trying to bury part of your pain by filling a black hole with purchases. It won’t heal you, either; rather it’ll keep you angry with yourself for wasting your money and getting no satisfaction from it.
Since both focuses are only hurting you, try to snap yourself back to the confident and competent person you are. Your ex turned out to be dishonest and a cheat; that’s not your fault, be thankful it’s over.
If you can’t put an end to the spending, get professional help. P.S.: Whatever a wife should know, should not come from a vengeful, jilted woman who “thinks” she has all the facts.

I’ve been extremely stressed out lately - I’ve ended a four-year relationship, moved into my own place and started a new job.
Recently, my nanny had a heart attack and my cousin, 17, died in a car accident. My counsellor says I’m depressed.
I have a hard time getting out of bed except when I have to work. I’m not sure how to pull myself out of this funk, if counselling is the right way

to go. Maybe I’m with the wrong one.

- Unsettled

You’ve experienced several of life’s blows and upheavals, and need time to adjust to and absorb them.
Counselling can be very helpful, but if you question the “fit,” you may want to try new approaches: 1) Seek a short-term therapist who commonly deals

with the issues of change and loss (you can ask about expertise when you phone for an appointment).
2) Push yourself into a fitness regime for a while, with a trainer if possible. Getting your energy re-booted this way can often lift the funk if you

stay with it.
Otherwise, see your doctor and consider getting medication to ease the depression.

The recession is almost killing me: I struggle to make payroll for my new business, and purchase supplies.
My husband makes less than $40,000 annually. I’ve asked him for more money for my business. He refuses to ask for a raise or seek a different job.
I’ve asked for a separation but he won’t leave the house, nor let me leave with our kids. We still sleep in the same bed.
I want to get ahead in life and feel he’s holding our family back.

- Stuck

The recession won’t last, but a divorce will. Is he a good man and a good father? If your business was successful, and money was less of an issue, would

you be happy with him?
Talk to a lawyer and an accountant about the financial changes likely from a separation… doubt that you’ll suddenly be richer, just less able to

blame your husband for everything.