In childhood, I was bullied for being eccentric, shy and awkward; later, I lost any friends within a year. I’ve tried joining interest groups but those only brought acquaintances. I’m now 28 and, husband aside, I still don’t have one single friend.
I’m very intelligent in areas not normally dominated by women (e.g. degree in physics).
I’m not selfish and would enjoy having a true friend.
Counselling never gets me anywhere and my husband cannot replace girl time.
Am I doomed to be friendless forever?

- Lonely

You’re intelligent, and able to maintain a marital relationship, so you’re neither doomed nor “friendless” (a partner is the closest relationship of all).
You should know that young girls are universally tough on non-conformists… but you should also know that countless bright, achieving women like you were equally left out of those childishly mean inner circles, for being “different.” That’s all behind you.
Adult friendships take work, just like marriages; it takes time and planning in busy lives, to get together even once a month.
If you eventually develop and maintain one true, trusted friend through adult years, you’re lucky. Be open: it can be a sister-in-law, an older neighbour, a work colleague … there’s no required Hollywood-image of shopping and giggling together, for a female friendship to be real.

I’ve always remembered my two great-nieces, now 7 and 9, on their birthdays, Christmas, etc.
When we lived ten minutes apart, I received a couple of invitations for birthdays but mostly I dropped the gifts off with a short visit. My niece never visited me though I’ve often invited all of them.
Since they’ve moved 90 minutes away, I now give my gifts to their grandmother (my sister) who sees them often. Once she forgot where she put my gifts, until six months later.
Once I sent cash through the mail, though I didn’t feel comfortable. When I asked my niece if this money arrived, she feigned surprise that her daughter hadn’t called me, though I’ve never received a call then or since.
I want to tell their mother that since I never know if the gifts have arrived, I’ll call the girls on their birthdays and give them a gift when I next see them. (Of course, this will be cash, since gifts may become outdated.)
Do you think this is a good way of handling it?

- Thankless

There’s a better, more straightforward way to deal with your annoyance at your niece (not her children).
Realistically, you never visited for long even when invited at a time when you lived close by, so she may never have realized that you wanted a real

relationship with these young girls.
Also, if you reflect on your own younger years, think how busy life is with two youngsters, and dealing with all the immediate relatives. If this mother also works outside the home, her free time for visits is limited.
Nevertheless, it’s important that she teach her daughters how to politely thank people for their gifts. I suggest you show your interest more clearly, and state your case.
Go to the next gathering – birthday, Christmas, whatever.
Spend some time with the girls, give them your gifts and write your address and phone number down on a card for each.
Tell their Mom you’ve done so, and you hope the girls will send or call their thank-you’s, so you can communicate with them from time to time.

My husband and I earn well and are able to afford nice, expensive things. I’m not a show-off nor do I tell people how much I paid, unless asked.
Lately, my friends make comments about what I wear and own because of their “brand.”
How do I handle this, and should I feel guilty that I own “brand labels?”

- Affluent

You’re entitled to spend your money as you please.
That said, most people have some awareness of income differences with certain friends, and try not to “overdo” or “over-dress” in their company. The recessionary climate has even made some affluent people re-think the value of their pricier “labels;” there’s a growing trend to shopping for bargains and discounts on designer items.
My advice is to consider sensitivity to others, and brush off the question of price (you can say you can’t remember, it’s something you bought awhile ago).