Do grandparents have visitation rights?

I’d been the sole caregiver of my grandchildren for 13 years and supplied them with most of their needs (food, clothing, etc.), since they stayed with me most of the time.

Wishing to be supportive of my daughter, I loaned them money to set up a business among other things. She promised to pay me back as soon as they were back on their feet… years passed, no sign of the money, and whenever I reminded her of the loan, she’d stay away and withhold the children from me.

The first time she did this was when my husband was terminally ill.

Now, a widow, I decided to down-size and got a condo quite far from their place. Ever since, she never spoke to me and, as usual, withheld the children.

She’s refused to sit down and dialogue.

What recourse do I take so I can see my grandchildren?

And how do I make them pay the money they owe me?

They’ve sold this business at a profit, but no offer was made.

- Shut Out

Keep the matters of grandchildren visits and the unpaid loan separate.

You can talk to a lawyer about re-payment, but unless you have some promissory note from them, or can prove through their bookkeeping that they borrowed from you, you’ve learned the expensive lesson about lending to relatives. Especially when you’re already dealing with relatives whom you already know to be irresponsible or leaning on you.

The more significant issue is your grandchildren. Some of them must be old enough now for you to reach personally, through email, phone or letter. Stay in contact – communicate with interest about what they’re doing, and, without pressure, say you miss them and would dearly like to see them.

Do NOT blame their mother… but do ask if they can arrange a visit, say, for Christmas or a weekend sleepover.

If your daughter gets involved in this, do not mention the money.

As for your legal rights regarding the children, it’s unlikely a court would grant you visitation at this stage unless the kids were suffering under their own parents’ care, or seeking it with you… but do ask your lawyer about this too.

My boyfriend and I (both early-20s) have been dating for three years.

Lately, he hasn’t been motivated to do anything.

We’re only able to see each other on weekends because we live a distance apart. I work a lot so my weekends are very important.

Whenever I mention some plans, they’re quickly shot down but he never has plans of his own.

I get very upset when we don't do anything.

He reacts saying I’m selfish and that I control our weekends. But I just don't want to spend my time off sitting around.

- Bored to Tears

By now, you may be with the wrong guy, since you’ve found you have different energies and needs. What worked in the past as you were getting to know each other, when just hanging out together may’ve been a romantic period, is NOT working now. Talk to him without blaming him, since after all, he’s as entitled to his own idea of recreation as you are to yours. To stay together, you both need to learn to compromise – e.g. one weekend with plans, and one without.

If you can’t agree on something as simple as that, there’s not a lot of hope for more serious disagreements.

I’m 16, male, and last year a girl at school tried to befriend me, but I ignored it because of my inexperience with girls.

This year she’s saying “hello;” I’ve worked up the courage to speak to her first, but never have a conversation with her.

I lack self-esteem and confidence, but also don’t know if she’s single. Besides, she’s surrounded by friends I don’t know.

I’ve developed a large crush on her. What can I do?

- Shy Guy

She doesn’t have to be single for you to chat beyond “hello.”

You’ve developed this crush because you find it safer to imagine a conversation than to have one, for fear of her rejecting you. She’s only being friendly… and that’s your opportunity, or else you’ll push yourself deeper away.

Talk about the last class, the homework assignment, the teacher’s bad joke, anything familiar to you both. Then stay friendly, without fantasizing more.