My 17-year-old daughter is giving me serious attitude lately. We have been very close her whole life, especially as I am a single parent. I come from a large family, and she has lots of aunts, uncles and cousins, plus grandparents who adore her. So, she wasn’t JUST raised by me. But her mother was never really in the picture, and she passed away when my daughter was 12.

So, as her dad, I was never a teenage girl myself. And, I only have brothers, so I didn’t grow up with teenage girls. I get that I can’t put myself in her shoes. However, I have sisters-in-law, nieces, and I had my fair share of girlfriends so I’m not completely out to lunch.

But the attitude is just too much! I tried talking to her. I tried parental threats (you know, not real threats), and I even punished her by grounding her last week. Nothing has changed her attitude.

What do I do?

Dad in Deep

You said in your longer letter that you grounded her last Wednesday night. But where was she going on a school night anyway? Not that I believe punishment is the only way to get through to your daughter, but if you’re going to punish her, you might as well do something that’s going to make a difference. Grounding her on a Saturday night, taking away her phone, not giving her an allowance for the week, etc. Those are the things that matter to her.

But you need to talk to your daughter. I also think you need to talk to whichever aunts she is closest with. She may just need a female adult to talk to. That’s not sexist: women sometimes just need women. You might learn a lot if your daughter has the opportunity to have a one-on-one with her favourite auntie.

Worth a try.

My aunt is really losing her marbles and I’m not sure why my uncle isn’t doing anything about it. She’s in her 80s and was always very conservative in her thought and dress. Now I see her in the supermarket in a mini skirt and a jean jacket. I have no idea where she even found these clothes!

She’s asking my uncle to take her to music concerts that will blow her hearing aids out of her ears and to take her to restaurants with foods she has never eaten. Every time I call, or pop over, something else mind-blowing is going on.

Should I be doing anything about all of this? Or should I just let it all play out?

Unrecognizable Granny

First, do your aunt and uncle have any children? If so, have you spoken with them? My first thought was that your aunt was rummaging through old clothing left in the house by her children. Whether she knows they’re not hers is another issue.

So, first step: speak with your cousins. Second step: speak with your uncle. What’s his take on everything? Is he enjoying this new version of his wife of many decades? Or does he think she’s losing her sense of reality?

It may be time to have her evaluated, to assess her mental health, to make sure she’s OK. She may be healthy, just letting loose in this season of her life. She may be unhealthy and not aware of what she’s doing, who she is, etc.

Step three: set up an appointment with her doctor, tag along, and tell the doctor what you are noticing from your time with her. Best case scenario, she’s just having fun.

FEEDBACK Regarding the denied grandparents (March 12):

Reader – “Assuming they’re not pretending to not know, when they absolutely do know why, it may only be a matter of time before the DIL forbids her husband to stay in contact with his parents.  Either she’s abusive and trying to isolate and gaslight, which would explain why the son refuses to say why she suddenly went off the deep end, or she’s mentally unwell and refusing help.

“The son may be desperately trying to prevent a situation where his wife would not only leave him but also prevent him from seeing his own kid if he doesn't go along with whatever she says.

“If the wife's parents are still around, perhaps asking them will get some answers.  They should also ask the son's friends if they've been able to hang out with him or if they noticed any sudden change in his behaviour.”