My husband of five years had a two-month affair with a co-worker last year. It ended when I found out and confronted them both.

We went through ten sessions of counselling before his company's benefits ran out. For the past six months, we’ve had several other stressful personal events.

But we hadn’t fully dealt with the damage done to our marriage in the first place.

What’s worse, he still works with this woman, as he’s been unable to find another job despite numerous interviews. Quitting isn’t an option, as we can't afford our mortgage on one salary. We also have young children.

Although we’ve committed to staying together, he seems quite happy to just forget about it and never speak of it again. This leaves me still bitter, angry, and hurt at his actions even though it was almost a year ago. We can't afford more counselling. How do I raise the topic again and tell him that I'm still really hurting?

Still Hurt

When the benefits become available again, get back to counselling. But meanwhile read Janis Spring’s After the Affair and show him some of the passages - explanations of discussions and behaviours that are needed to heal together from this affair - that have meaning for you.

Just raising the topic, as in “I’m still hurt,” can sound like yet another accusation (though deserved) more than a much-needed search for solutions on how to mend, trust, and move forward as a couple.

Mostly, you both have to talk honestly about why you each think it happened, and what still needs to change.

My sister and I haven’t had a good relationship since we were born. She’s 33, I’m 38, both raised by warm loving Asian parents.

She appears a popular, bubbly, sociable, creative, fun extrovert, while I’m the introverted homebody. When she has friends over, she orders me out of our parents’ house.

It’s because I’m the most embarrassing total bore. Last year when my boyfriend visited, she hated him, labelled him as "Con-artist," and told everyone how much she hated him.

She also negatively labels guys who are attracted to her - "The Ugly Dentist, Gold-digger, Shorty, The Toad, Mental, Loser, etc." Those guys are still around (they all party together). Is it me? What can I do to let her be kinder to me?

Boring Eldest

I don’t know her side of what shapes your relationship, but your version makes her sound like an arrogant person who intimidates people, especially you.

You also haven’t said why you still live at home. Adult sisters both living at home is a set-up for sibling squabbles, and you two have a history of that, it seems. If you can find a way to gain some independence and get out to your own place, things will improve just by lessening contact.

Also, by accepting her treatment of you “as a bore,” she has no reason to stop. Tell her you have as much right to be there as she does, and only leave if you choose.

Otherwise, avoid her in case she’s verbally abusive, but establish your own way to be at home comfortably…. e.g. with your own friend over in a separate area, watching a movie you enjoy, etc.

Your loving parents must be aware of this rift, so talk to them, too. They must see that it’s not a healthy situation, and perhaps will help you move somewhere affordable, nearby.

I fear I might lose my best friend when I tell her I dated her boyfriend in 10^th Grade. They’re currently in a good relationship. How do I tell her?

Worried Friend

He might tell her, so be upfront soon. Say he was very nice when you dated briefly, but it wasn’t serious, when so young. But you’ve all grown up more and he’s so right for her, that you’re very happy for them.

I'm going to college in Japan, but I have social anxiety. I need space to myself, but I also need some social life so I don't slip into a deep depression. Should I move into an apartment, a shared house, or a dormitory?

Uncertain Student

A shared house provides some space and some socializing. See a therapist before leaving, to get some strategies to handle the new situation. Request email access in case you need to be in touch.