My boyfriend is a compassionate and caring person, highly respected, well liked by a wide circle of family and friends, and exceptionally loyal.

He’s a wonderful conversationalist, has a great sense of humour, and we enjoy each other's company. So what’s the problem? Two incidents are causing me concern.

#1: On our very first date, while travelling together in a car, a scantily clad woman was walking down the sidewalk on the passenger side of the car.

He craned his neck about a foot’s distance, and brazenly gawked at her. It felt like an emotional slap in the face to me. When we later talked about it, he didn't even remember doing it, and said, "Everyone looks." I said people should be discreet when they look. He’s never repeated that behaviour in front of me.
#2: Once, when parked in front of a bulk food store, he asked my favourite food and I named a type of candy. He then said he was going into the store to get some birdseed. He returned with the birdseed but none of the candy. So, why did he ask me about my favorite one?

I asked later if he was being spiteful after an earlier minor tiff. He denied having had any malicious intent.
Also, ever since the first date, I've had a gut feeling that this man’s not a one-woman man. I wonder if my instincts are wrong in this case.
He treats me incredibly well in many ways.

Head in a Whirl

If that’s it for having gut instinct, yours is all tied in anxiety knots. You describe this man in expansively glowing terms, then produce “incidents” that are one-off, minor, seeming meaningless. Scantily dressed people always draw attention, whether male or female. The candy question was mere curiosity.

So I can only conclude that there are deeper concerns and bigger insights to them, which you’re holding back. OR, you are sadly very insecure and feeling unworthy of this guy, and so looking for something to be “wrong.”

If the latter’s the case, get personal counselling to boost your confidence, so you can have an equal relationship with this man without constant worries.

I’m a single mom, 28. I adore my child but don’t get any time away from her. My parents passed away when I was a teenager and I don't have any siblings. Also, her father and his family aren’t involved in her life, and never have been.

I’d love to start dating but I don't make a lot of money and can't afford babysitting often.

I am an attractive, funny person but I just can't figure out how to deal with this. My daughter goes to preschool only from 7am-11:30am, not a time for going on dates.

I’ve been just giving up and thinking I may just have to wait until she’s older. Any suggestions?

Lonely Mom

Dating starts with socializing, and for a single mom without adult family, that’s a safer way to meet people than connecting with strangers online.

So get involved with the pre-school parent community, as well as a local single parents’ group, and any other community interest group where parents and children are invited to participate.

Though you work, many of the activities of these groups are on weekends, and also affordable.

Though you may initially meet other moms, some will also have male relatives, neighbours, and friends. If you’re open and friendly yourself, people will be attracted to you, including available men.

I’ve been reading your advice for years... and it seems the common thread with women is how they define themselves by having any man at all, to feel complete.

I thought after the '70's feminist revolution, that the next generation on a wider scope would be free of berating and rating themselves on that ridiculous scale.

Why do women bother with any men who’re being cruel and selfish? Those men set a poor role model for any future children the women may have, and they also make terrible husbands.

It’ll be a great time in our history as women, to learn and find the strength within ourselves to be our own persons.

In my 58 years, I’ve learnt the power of believing in yourself is half the battle, and that education can set you free.

Constant Reader

Ellie – Thanks for carrying the banner of women’s need (and men’s, too) of bringing self-confidence to a relationship.