My teenage son spends a lot of time in his room masturbating. I don’t think he’s watching porn, and I don’t think he looks at pictures, online or in a magazine. He’s quiet about his activity, but I figured it out when I was cleaning under his bed and found an inordinate number of tissues. And they weren’t soft to the touch. Yuck!
We’ve talked about sex, consent, touching and masturbation, so I’m pretty sure he knows what he’s doing. But I’m concerned for his physical health. The other day he was walking funny and when I asked if he was alright, he replied that he had a rash. He refuses to see a doctor, so I know he's embarrassed. I can only surmise that it’s from all his masturbating.
I’ve tried to engage my partner in this conversation, but he’s incapable of having these discussions. His parents were very closed off and no one ever discussed sex in their home. How can I help my son?
Hands Off!
If your son has a rash, then he needs to see a doctor, or at least speak with a pharmacist. I suggest giving him the option of going together and you speaking for him, if he’s too embarrassed…… or he could find his voice and speak for himself. Depending on his age, the relationship you have with his doctor and his level of maturity, you could speak to the doctor privately beforehand to express your concerns. That way the doctor can know which way to steer the conversation.
An emollient cream to calm the raw skin is probably in order, and a discussion on how much is too much. Hopefully the doctor can handle both for you.
I am an 85-year-young senior, female, and my drought lasted 19 years! Ours was a second marriage between a widower and a widow who had known each other for decades. I was retired and living in Toronto; he was several years older, living in another city when he started courting me six months after my husband’s passing. They had been close childhood friends, and he gave a eulogy at my husband’s funeral.
He sang love songs into my voicemail every night and sent flowers weekly. We dated long-distance for almost two years before we tied the knot. The first year of our marriage was all you could wish for – lots of travel, lots of dancing and lots of great sex. Suddenly, literally from one day to the next, he was uninterested in any sexual activity.
At first, I thought he might be coming down with something. When that didn’t manifest, I worried that there was something more serious wrong with his health. I begged him to see a doctor, but he refused, insisting he felt fine. When I inquired why his sex drive had just completely disappeared, he replied that it hadn’t, he just needed a break. That so-called “break” lasted almost 20 years before he died!
Is it too late to start over for a third time?
Still looking for love….
You are never too old to want to be loved, or to want to share your love with someone deserving. There may be a smaller pool, but you just need to know where to look. I suggest mentioning your desire to friends and family (I’d stick to love and not sex) so they know that you’re open to meeting new people.
I also suggest joining programs at your local community centre, seniors’ centre, place of worship, library, and anything else that interests you. It’s always best to meet people doing the things you enjoy doing. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
FEEDBACK Regarding the puppy purchased secretly (April 4):
Reader – “The father should remember that the puppy is the last gift his wife gave their children and him. The puppy gives some of the love to the children and him that she is no longer able to give in person. And yes, the children and he should use grief counselling.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the mystery man (April 5):
Reader – “There’s a club out there where women end up having sex in closets with men they’ve just met? I want in!”
Lisi – THAT wasn’t the point of the original question. And I’m sure there are many.
FEEDBACK Regarding the boyfriend with the female bestie (April 2):
Reader #1 – “He's gay. I guarantee it. You're the temporary 'beard'.”
Lisi – Well, that’s assumptive.
Reader #2 – “I am a female with a male best friend. We have been friends for 24 years and I would NEVER do what this female friend did. It's beyond disrespectful to the new partner.”