My relationship with my mom is worsening. We used to be close.
But when I’d finished high school, my qualifications fell short for my favourite college.
I stayed home, with Mom constantly pressuring me because I thought summer was for time off.
My first college year was a struggle. I got an academic suspension which I appealed along with Mom. The advisor told her what’s needed for me to perform.
Then I said I need the tools to do my homework, e.g. a home computer for online work.
She says I embarrassed her in front of the advisor. She said boys my age (20) should be working and buying their own stuff.
Now I'm stuck at home - no college, no work. I know if I follow my dreams I’d be successful.
The only way I could make her proud is to see me successful with taking my life seriously. What do I do?
“Take your life seriously” means starting somewhere, not just dreaming/talking about it.
Take any job that’s legal. Having something to do is as important as having goals, because it gets you moving and out of the house.
Upgrade at night school or an online course (there are computers at public libraries).
There you’ll see the many people working hard to get ahead, though they don’t have “the tools” handed to them.
Get back to college when you can and work at it.
It won’t take long for your mom to show her pride in you.
My daughter-in-law’s mother died ten years ago. While in hospital, she learned that her husband was cheating, and lost the will to live.
Her daughter never forgave her father. He’s still with the same woman, but she’s not allowed in her father's home - his daughter’s “rule.”
I’m wondering if this background is relevant to my daughter-in-law’s distance from my girlfriend.
When I recently said I had “good news,” my DIL insisted that she come to hear it, though she’d previously avoided meeting with us as a couple.
I’m 69, my fiancée’s 54. My DIL had formerly been the only woman in the family before my fiancée, who looks ten years younger with a good figure.
She may be a threat to my DIL in her eyes.
Meanwhile, because of my DIL’s coldness, I sent my son an email telling him that my fiancée and I, and her kids, won’t attend any functions where my DIL will be present.
But my son and his kids are always welcome, the door is open.
It’s one thing to stand by your future wife, but another to shut out your son’s wife, knowing he must eventually follow your example.
It’ll lead to estrangement – no contact with your own child or grandchildren.
But you can still try to avoid it, and I believe you should try.
Especially since there’s a traumatic event in your daughter-in-law’s background that surely still affects her.
Besides, it’s obvious that you wish for a different way to handle your relationship with her, since this is your second email question about it.
Talk to your son, and to his wife, directly. If she won’t see you since shut-down email, send a personal note.
Say that you appreciate the hurt she felt from past events in her life, but this is a different story.
Say that you want the two strong women in your family to appreciate each other, so you can all enjoy a better relationship.
I’ve been self-searching for my identity and I’ve concluded that I’m bisexual.
I think I may be in love with someone, but she's my best friend and I haven't told anyone yet.
I'm really scared and feel trapped. I can't tell my parents because I'm scared how they’ll react. And I have no one at my school who won't spread it around.
I don't want to live like this anymore.
Whatever your sexual identity, fear is an unhelpful reaction. Becoming more comfortable with whom you are, and more knowledgeable, is needed.
Many females have girl crushes – especially in their teens – and that alone does not mean they’re bisexual.
Girl crushes are a part of recognizing your own emotions, and so a part of growing up.
If you have parents with whom you can communicate about other things, keep that up. Share some of your feelings, questions, and confusions. They may surprise you with their understanding.
Tip of the day:
Seeing adult children take responsibility for their future is a mother’s fervent wish.