I've been on two dates with this guy, during which he grew very affectionate, physically, and with compliments.

He invited me to his place at the end of the second date. Things got somewhat intimate but not all the way, and it didn't feel awkward.

We’d planned to meet again but he cancelled, saying I’m a great guy but he doesn't think he's ready to date because he just recently got out of a relationship.

I said I understand, but I’d like to continue getting to know him in the not too-distant future.

His reason seems logical, but I'm not completely buying it.

I haven't dated much since experiencing similar uneasiness after my ex-boyfriend passed away several years ago.

Despite this guy’s reason, I feel that he likes me and is unsure of himself.

I could’ve shared my own thoughts and feelings about the situation much better than I did.

I like him, and my gut’s telling me to try and pursue this further, not just give up.

I'm torn between what logic says and what my gut is feeling.

My Next Move?

After only two dates, your gut’s reflecting what you want to feel, not real instinct, and knowledge about this man.

Instead of assuming you know his feelings better than he does (which would appear presumptuous), show him empathy and respect for what he’s confided. His break-up is still very recent.

Email him your thanks for his honesty. Say that you had a similar need for time on your own, after your ex died.

Wish him well, and state simply that you hope you two can spend time together in the future.

If he does like you, you’ll hear from him again.

My best friend married a man 12 years older than her after a whirlwind romance. He’s divorced, handsome, charming, and loves her, but she’s discovered that he can reveal a nasty temperament.

He’s not physical, and he doesn’t usually direct his anger at her.

He’ll be rude with waiters, taxi drivers, etc. and even gets belligerent in a theatre or on the street if he thinks someone’s getting too close.

His mood can go dark instantly, especially if he’s had a couple of drinks. This usually happens when they’re out socially, so the rudeness and outbursts that follow often happen in front of friends (which I’ve witnessed).

It embarrasses her terribly and also worries her that one day someone bigger and tougher will do him harm.

She tries to distract him or steer him away, but he’ll brush her off and continue his rant.

What can she do, short of leaving him, which she won’t consider?

Ticking Time Bomb

She can be direct and firm with him that even though she loves him, their marriage will have trouble surviving if he doesn’t confront whatever are his demons, starting with anger management therapy.

She needs to present this to him as a natural request - not a fight - from his life partner.

Rather than remain frustrated and upset at his behaviour till she can’t take it anymore, she wants to approach this problem together, as a team.

He may resist, but so long as he doesn’t lash out at her physically, she should persist. She wants him to understand that professional therapy can help him, and also their relationship.

Alcohol appears to be his major trigger. If so, only he can decide to control or stop drinking.

Meanwhile, your friend may benefit from joining a support group for people living with others’ addictions.

 

Our once-delightful son, age 16, has turned into a silent shadow, hiding in his room after school and grabbing his dinner from the fridge, avoiding the family meal.

He was once playful, high-spirited, and fun. Lately, he’s become moody and detached from his younger siblings and us, his parents.

Is this just teenage posturing or signs of serious problems?

Ugly Phase?

A typical teenager’s most absorbing task is developing some independence from the family that wants to stay close and protective.

But the major parenting responsibility remains, i.e. staying alert to any serious trouble signs.

Examples: Skipping classes, sudden lower grades, not socializing, out beyond reasonable hours, or hints of drinking or drugs.

Without such signs, negotiate basic agreements, e.g. his responding to family members, letting you know where he is and with whom when he’s out, and maintaining normal eating and sleep.

Keep up communication through his interests, such as music, sports, etc.