My husband’s father is a miserable man who keeps threatening to sell our home. He paid the down payment; my husband and I pay the mortgage and bills.

His father belittles his son, and is rude and inappropriate with me. When we complain, he says he’ll sell. But we put up with him, to keep a stake in the house.

- Upset

Move. If you can afford the mortgage and bills, you can rent.

Leave him with the house that’s given him way too much power in your lives.

A home is wherever you’re happy together; otherwise, it’s just property.

I’ve have fallen in love with a work colleague, and become more confident and happy with his care and support.

I’m married to my first love with two school-age children, but the marriage “compromise” has all been from me. My husband thinks primarily of his wants and needs, without patience or interest to consider how I feel.

My sister recently said I’m a doormat since I do everything and he watches TV or plays video games.

He’s emotional and loud, yells when he’s angry, which is often. The kids and I ignore it, but it can be hurtful. I suggested counselling, which made him angry, but I don't even want that any more.

I could see myself and our kids being happier without him even if it were much more difficult, which he could make things.

I sometimes imagine what it’d be like if this other man could become a bigger part of my life. Yet I’d rather carry on a secret relationship and stay married, than try to fix my marriage and give up my close friend. But I worry that my judgment is clouded.

What should I do?

- Confused

You’re wavering between romantic fantasy and worst-case scenarios. Time to clear the clouds.

Get yourself to counselling and legal advice, to help you think through what you want for your children’s lives and your own. Forget the imaginary possibilities and deal with reality: you need to know your legal position in the case of a separation, how you’d handle custody and access issues as well as finances.

If you fear your husband’s angry reaction to a separation discussion, you may also want to make a plan for how and when to discuss this with him.

If you choose instead to stay, you’d be wise to re-think the impact on your kids of your being drawn away to this secret relationship, and how you’ll deal with the fallout if and when your affair is discovered.

I’m female, early-40s, a new immigrant. I don’t have work experience and have been a stay-at-home mom. I wish to get a job but lack confidence. Just thinking about it cripples me with fear.

Although my husband is a good provider I know I must take up a job.

- Desperate

Look into your community, and see where there are activities that interest you and which you can handle, as stepping stones into future employment. It may be through the local school, your church or community centre, where you find volunteer efforts or committee work that gives you more confidence.

Many people have honed their work skills through a similar process. Also, you’ll meet people, make connections, and start to develop your self-esteem.

After awhile, you’d find a few sessions of career counselling from a community agency helpful to prepare a resume, direct your job search and prepare you for interviews.

I met my best friend in Grade Seven; ever since countless people told us that we’d make a good couple - we have the same hobbies and enjoy doing everything together.

Recently, I've developed feelings for my best friend, though we've both stated that we should date outside our friendship circle. We haven’t dated anyone yet, we’re in Grade 12 now.

Should I tell him how I feel about him? I haven't told anyone.

My girlfriends would go crazy that I like him.

- Torn

Give yourself some dating time, and opportunities for getting to know others, before you consider sharing your feelings.

You’re lucky to have this great friendship, and the example of someone you’ve trusted over time. You may be turning to him now because of some apprehension about dating, or the comfort of familiarity.

Also, hold back on sharing your “secret” with others or the gossip could affect the friendship.