My wife of 20 years and I raised four children (with many parenting disputes), but our latest problem has me stumped.
Recently, our son, 22, got a puppy, but his roommate – our oldest son – didn’t want this dog in the apartment so they gave it to my wife. I’ve repeatedly told her I don’t want a second dog, but she took the puppy anyway. Every time it messes the house, she says "I’ll clean it up." The house is starting to smell and she just sprays air freshener. She doesn’t like to leave him outside because he runs away. Our other dog never leaves the yard and was trained by the crate method but she won’t do that with this puppy. He sleeps in our room.
Now, when we leave, she locks both dogs in our bedroom. I know he’ll outgrow chewing up our wireless accessories and shoes, but I'm almost at the point of saying, it's the dog or me. She ignores my pleas and says she’s attached to the dog.
What do I DO???
Let’s cut to the chase – would you really leave your wife of 20 years over a dog? Not likely, so be upfront about the real issue: You feel cut out of the decision, and less important to her than her attachment to this dog. Tell her so. Don’t blame the puppy. Blame how you two have let your relationship evolve.
After years of disagreeing on parenting, it seems that she goes her own way, and you complain and threaten heavy consequences. It’s time to do what couples are supposed to do, negotiate. She’s got what she wanted, by keeping the puppy. Now, she should compromise on the things that bother you and take the dog to training classes, or work at crate-training it; and keep your shared bedroom off limits to both dogs.
Then, both of you take the puppy for walks and start re-connecting. Tell your wife you need some attention and petting, too.
I've been dating a guy for several years, but we’ve never had sex. About a year into the relationship I found out that he's impotent. I want him to seek professional help and he agrees with me, but never goes to see a doctor.
Why won't he go?
Have you any advice on getting him to see someone, that can help us with this situation?
I love him very much and we're engaged to be married (the wedding is in 10 months), but I want a marriage filled with love, happiness and intimacy.
- Needs a Push
Hold off your wedding plans, you’re heading into exactly the opposite of what you really want. There’s not the kind of intimacy you seek in marriage (there may be other intimate contact and communication, but it’s clearly not satisfying you completely). There’s no follow-through from him on addressing an important issue of his health and his ability to be a sexual partner.
Frankly, any “happiness” is unlikely to last with this situation unexplored and unresolved. There are many possible reasons why he won’t go – e.g. he’s embarrassed to discuss impotence with a doctor; or he fears there’s a frightening medical reason for it; or he already knows why and doesn’t want you to know; or he’s unable to get aroused by a female.
You’d be making a huge mistake to marry him before he’s opened up to you further and/or tried to deal with this problem.
My boyfriend had an affair several years ago; it’s been difficult but we’re both trying to make our relationship work.
Yet I cannot make him understand that his continuously checking out women when I’m around is disrespectful.
He says that he looks at people in general, but his focus is always women. Whether we walk together, or go shopping, he’s constantly looking.
I’m at a loss as to what I can say to him to make him understand.
He understands, but doesn’t stop… because he doesn’t have to.
You’ve told him it’s “disrespectful.” Yet you haven’t told him that it’s unacceptable, especially after he’s cheated, and that the next time it happens you’re walking away.
Then, the moment you believe he’s focused on another woman, stop and point it out. Unless he convinces you that he was looking at “people,” leave the scene.
Three times, and he should be OUT.
Tip of the day:
A marriage that can end over “puppy wars” has other problems eroding it.