I'm 53, married 25 years, with two children, ages 22 and 16.
My wife and I drifted apart. We have few common interests and haven’t slept in the same bed for ten years.
I’m sad, miserable and there’s no romance. I’ve decided to separate once the youngest child leaves for university. We're both successful professionals and debt-free.
Meanwhile, I've been “sugar-dating.” I've had two “sugar-babies” with no emotional attachments whatsoever.
With my third sugar-baby, we hit it off immediately. She’s 28, with a seven-year-old child.
She’s independent, mature, witty and we shared many common interests. We’d spend hours chatting, including about our families.
(I can confirm through Facebook, Instagram and her family profiles that she’s not faking her stories).
I soon fell in love but didn’t tell her.
Three months into the arrangement, she said she’s returning to her home town so that she and her child can be closer to family, after being away for ten years.
It nearly broke my heart. But she said she’ll come visit often since her small town’s only six hours away.
Days before she left, I told her I loved her, and about my plans to leave my wife.
She said she’s fallen in love with me too. We each promised that we’ll make this relationship work.
She said that she’d found a job as a caseworker in a remote community where cell service is almost non-existent.
We can only talk/chat whenever she rotates back to her home town. She would give me her schedule once she has it.
The first week she moved back we chatted as usual. Then, without warning, I stopped hearing from her.
Emails are being delivered, but I've received no responses. I'm tech-savvy and know I haven’t been blocked.
It's as if she just stopped reading my messages. It’s been four weeks.
My mind tells me to move on. But I'm the romantic, old-fashioned type and my heart tells me to hold on.
But is it normal to be out of reach for a month at a time? Don't social workers rotate back every few weeks?
Obviously, I can't reach out to her family to ask what's happened. I'm tempted to travel to her town to check things out.
Back off, for now. If she truly meant to maintain the relationship, she may still do so. But if you don’t hear from her in another two months – marking the length of your time together – it’s over.
Going to her town could be interpreted as stalking her. She’s either doing longer stints at work than you thought, or she’s avoiding you.
While she may’ve felt love for you, the basic nature of the “sugar baby/sugar daddy” (or momma) arrangement involving funding for the younger person, lends itself to calculations and changes of mind.
As one website describes it, "They (sugar babies) get all the perks of a traditional relationship without the hidden agendas and baggage that typically accompanies a relationship.”
Yet, as in your case, it’s seen as a relationship of its own kind - not an escort service or prostitution - because of the frequent dating involved.
Still, despite her expressed love, your plans to leave your wife changes things.
She’s suddenly aware that there’ll be grown children - one close to her age – in the picture. Life could become far more complicated.
You may still find romance ahead. But if she doesn’t respond soon, it won’t be with her.
FEEDBACK Regarding the parents who want their son, who’s about to propose, to know his girlfriend is a “poor match” for him (August 28):
Reader – “Based on the letter, I can see why the soon-to-be fiancée would have reason to pause the engagement…. more so, than the Letter-Writer’s son.
“I wouldn't be too thrilled to have in-laws who think I'm dumb, don't understand my anxieties, and berate me for having issues they don’t understand.
“I certainly wouldn’t be joining any family that thinks it's okay to poll my friends and other family members to get an idea of how terrible of a spouse I will be.
“Their son does have a huge problem on his hands though – his intrusive parents. If they do sit their son down and lay out their insulting barrage of "concerns," I hope he makes the right decision by tuning them out and limiting contact.
“This is overstepping many boundaries.”
Tip of the day:
“Sugar Daddies” and “Sugar Mommas” dating younger people for paid “companionship,” need to accept that it’s more business than personal.