Just as Covid-19 arrived and shut down our lives, March of 2020, I was vice-president of a committee I’d been on for years. I had slowly risen up the ranks to VP. And it was an obvious move for me to be the next president.

We froze everything those first six months of the pandemic, followed by monthly zooms. We kept the positions as is and settled back in slowly, with the plan to evolve the executive at the beginning of the calendar year. Everyone knew that come January 2024, I would rise to president. Until she came along.

Mid-year, a woman joined the committee full of wild ideas and high-level connections. She seemed to know everyone we needed and promised to get each of them on board. With one caveat – she wanted to be president.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I was pushed aside, and she was brought into the position I’d worked years to attain. And just like that, not only was I not president, but I also didn’t even have a seat at the table because everyone else moved up.

A man I thought was a close friend reached out, but it was weightless. He voted alongside everyone else for this woman with the connections. Now I’ve lost friends, a community and a job I worked years to attain.

Dumped and devastated

That is disgusting and honestly, you don’t want to be part of a community that behaves that way towards its members. No doubt this hurts and feels very personal. But it’s clearly not about you. Rise above the natural feeling of “less than.” This other woman claimed to have something you didn’t, i.e. connections. They could have brought her on as an executive member without the presidential title, but they caved.

Walk away with your head held high, knowing you’re better than that. Give yourself a break and use those hours to do something just for you. Then look for another volunteer purpose that speaks to your heart.

I’m a senior male, widowed four years ago, no kids, and am back on the dating scene. I recently met an out-of-province lady online, my age (mid-60s), a retired nurse, divorced from her surgeon husband.

After spending two months in Europe, she flew here (small-town Ontario) and we spent Canada Day together, plus a few more days in Ottawa. It was amazing! Both of us are active and adventurous, and looking for similar in a potential partner. I visited her for a week in August; she's headed here mid-September for an event I planned. I'm visiting her for Thanksgiving in October, and she’s coming here for Christmas. I really like her, she's fallen for me, I've started exercising more and I’ve dropped 34 pounds in the last two months!! Life is good!

Last evening, she informed me that for Thanksgiving at her place she has invited her whole family - including her ex. I had envisioned something smaller, a table for two. This will likely be the most awkward thing I’ve ever done.

I realize it's not just her that I’m dating; she has three adult children and five grandkids. But the ex also?

How do I navigate this?

New Guy

If your girlfriend has invited you to meet the whole family, including the ex, then she really likes you. That’s a huge moment for both of you. It says she trusts you and wants to take the relationship to the next level. If you like her as much, go for it. Yes, it’ll be slightly awkward – for everyone. But just be yourself, ask lots of questions and get to know her children and grandchildren.

As for the ex, keep it light, impersonal and friendly. You don’t need to become friends.

FEEDBACK Regarding the friend who smokes and drinks excessively (July 23):

Reader - “When the woman told her friend she couldn’t visit the cottage, her friend’s response was, ‘Are you breaking up with me?’

“I think the door’s been opened for honest conversation. Yes, she may say goodbye and it may hurt, but she may also be appreciative. I would also genuinely offer help and support.  She may be more appreciative of the true friendship and the letter-writer may just gain back the ‘smart, fun and engaging’ friend she once knew.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the terrible tattoos (July 22):

Reader – “Why should he ‘just get over it?’ Marriages are partnerships and he has a right to have an opinion. If the husband wanted to get a tattoo on his forehead, doesn’t she have say in that? I think you have an issue with men.”

Lisi – There is nothing in this Q&A about gender.