My wife of seven years has always had strong emotional reactions. She can be very loving with our two young sons, and me and then suddenly get very annoyed if something goes "wrong" in her eyes.

Lately it's gotten much worse, such that, every three-to-four weeks, she seems to wake up very angry for no reason at all. She's disturbed by this herself, and cries after one of her bouts of fury, saying that in all her 44 years she's never had such extreme mood swings.

Yet she 's fine and stable in between, so feels that seeing a doctor is unnecessary, and embarrassing.

Your thoughts?

Concerned

Of course she should see a doctor, as should any person who experiences a major change in their normal state of mind, energy, or moods. Your wife's at an age when changes in her hormone levels can strongly affect moods, and/or there can be medical reasons behind her behaviour.

These can likely be treated, but the sooner the better for finding a cause in order to decide on the best approach.  Not seeing a doctor is unwise, and also unfair to you and the children.

Instead of trying to come up with reasons for her outbursts each time, tell her that you and the kids want and need her well and happy for many years to come, so you want her to see a physician for a check-up. Offer to accompany her to the appointment to ease her worries and unnecessary awkwardness. She'll be more than "embarrassed" if she later learns she could've dealt with her devastating mood changes a lot earlier, for everyone's benefit.

Several years ago, I barely survived a horrific car crash and spent months in rehab treatment and post-traumatic therapy. Fortunately, I returned to a very active, healthy, and fulfilling life.

Recently, the sister of a close friend suffered the suicide of her daughter. She's distraught, and having a hard time dealing with her grief and her sense of guilt, even though the daughter was an adult who was not living at home when she killed herself.

I don't know the grieving mother that well, but I feel for her pain and am drawn to help her. Her sister says she's inconsolable, avoiding therapy because she doesn't want to talk about the tragedy, and isolating herself from friends, too.

Would it be wrong and intrusive of me to reach out to this woman? I feel I learned a lot about moving on from a major trauma and would like to share this knowledge to help her.

Uncertain

Your intentions are kind, but your approach could be dangerous, given the depth of this woman's sorrow and guilt feelings. Tell your friend that you wish you could talk to her sister, because you feel you have helpful experience and insight to share. But insist that she not pressure her sister to talk to you.

Your friend is the one who should keep a close eye on her relative's emotional and mental state, lest she become suicidal, too. Everyone grieves in his or her own way, in his or her own time, but this bereaved mother's self-imposed withdrawal is a worrisome signal.

She needs professional guidance to go through her grieving without harming herself. She might also find support through a Bereaved Parents' Association in her area.

Ultimately, she may wish to talk to you about surviving trauma, but she needs to give you some indication that she's ready for that conversation.

My mother's an outgoing personality who knows most of my friends and somehow makes anything that happens to me, or them, all about HER. It's hurtful because whatever I'm feeling about my friends or myself becomes focused on how she's reacting. How can I tell her my feelings without it becoming, Poor me, my daughter's complaining about me!

Tired of Drama

Share less, both about yourself and your friends. Your mother is still responding as if you're a young child to whom she must impart a message if anything is bothering you or your friends.

Share only what really matters to you, IF you want her experience and caring. You may still get some personal reaction, as she obviously likes getting involved in a situation. But if you reserve the sagas for when it's necessary or important, you won't mind her responses as much, especially if she has something to say that's helpful.