I’m a 50-ish woman who was involved with someone for five years and to whom I’d given a secondary card on my credit card. His own card was denied (he said his credit rating was bad due to his ex-wife's overspending). He charged $18,000.00 on my card, then ended the relationship, and didn’t pay as promised. I had to get a legal judgment against him.
Hopefully, it’s soon resolved. This isn’t the first time he’s done this to a woman, involving a lot of money. I’ve moved on.
However, he’s now seeing someone I know slightly; she owns her own home, has a good job, several children. Should I warn her? No one suspects that he does this because he earns well, rents a lovely home and puts on such a good act.
This Con Artist needs to be stopped. YES, you should warn the woman, but make sure you provide solid evidence – e.g. copies of your credit card bills, legal costs and the court judgment – rather than just gossip or nasty comments.
Be prepared that he’ll counter with lies, trickery, whatever he can use to keep up appearances and bilk other victims. Tell this woman that, as someone who’s been “taken” by him, you want her to know the ride was expensive.
I’m a high-school student, 16, negotiating to leave my family and live on my own. My dad is abusive, I can't take it anymore. I've got things worked out with welfare, housing, etc. I plan to go to university with academic credentials and work experience. It’ll be a long two years but I’ll be fine... enough.
However, leaving is difficult. My mom keeps raising false hopes and red herrings that are emotionally disturbing. My dad is the way he is and I can just imagine how he'll react, once I tell him.
Why does life have to be so hard?
- Breaking Out
For such a major step, you need all the support you can muster. You’re clearly mature, thoughtful and well-organized to have managed through the bureaucratic systems sufficiently, to look after yourself physically and financially. But as you’ve found, the emotional aspect is much harder. I suggest you also seek counselling before leaving, to bolster you through this period of transition. You might start with pastoral counselling from your faith community, or call a helpline that connects you to the appropriate resources.
Also, check out Mom’s “false hopes” carefully, in case there’s enough merit for you to delay your move awhile. If not, stay in touch with her so that she knows how you’re doing.
As for your Dad, have a safe plan for how, where and when you tell him of your decision. Work toward a successful independence, but not toward total estrangement. People can change.
• Kids Help Phone, an anonymous and confidential helpline, provides trained personnel with whom teens and children can talk. Call 1-800-668-6868, or see www.kidshelpphone.ca.
I’m divorced seven years with two kids and dating a man for three years, who lives two doors away. We’ve taken trips together and are happy living in our separate homes. We each have the best of both worlds - our own lives four days weekly and together three days.
In recent months, I’ve expressed concern that he won’t commit to being together “forever.” I’m not asking to marry him or live with him now. He says he’s “afraid of failure,” or he’s not good enough for me, I deserve better, though he knows I love him. His marriage ended 10 years ago, after his wife had many affairs. How can that qualify as failure? I’m mid-40’s and he’s near 50… What’s he waiting for? I finally said that since he can’t commit to me, even in words, I’d rather not see him.
Can you shed some light on this for me?
- Really Sad
It’s about having “the best of both worlds.” This guy already has exactly what he wants – proximity, passion and privacy – at his choosing. Closing the door to his neighbourly conveniences is the only way to find out how emotionally attached to you he truly is.
The “you deserve better” line is a worrisome signal that he’s not interested in changing himself or his attitude. If he discovers that he does want to get past his fear of failure, he’ll likely need to talk to a therapist to gain insight as to why his marriage deteriorated.
Tip of the day:
Before sharing your credit card, check out the reasons for being asked.