I’m middle-aged, in good shape and usually can perform sexually. But on a few recent occasions, my performance was less than stellar. My wife calls me "droopy" and laughs.
I’ve been secretly popping Viagra whenever we might have sex. It helps the performance but causes big headaches. Or, we don't have sex when I think we might, so I’m left feeling ill, with no upside.
I don't want to disappoint my wife or be embarrassed by admitting I need chemical help. I’m afraid an aging spouse with signs of decline isn’t an attractive spouse
- What To Do?
Stop the anxiety - a known droop-inducer – and see your doctor; also, tell your wife that her laughter is NOT funny or helpful.
There are many normal reasons for occasional libido lag in middle-aged men (women, too), that should be explored – from work and financial stresses, to medication, alcohol, food intake, lack of exercise, etc.
Your doctor will check for any health issue that’s calling out for attention this way (a good thing, if there’s anything serious behind this). He’ll also discuss whether medication for erectile dysfunction is advised and, if so, which one you can best tolerate.
Then, you and Wifey need to get on the same page – sharing humour whenever possible, but taking seriously and being encouraging about the things that really matter. (She may’ve thought laughter was her way of saying, “don’t worry, dear, this’ll pass;” if so, she should’ve said that.)
My daughter, 21, is 100% dependent on us. Her stepfather and I paid tuition for three years, during which she’s only worked six months. She applies for jobs, but doesn’t get hired easily - overweight, a speech impediment and shy. Worse, she can’t pass math.
She lives in another city, with two other girls who are working and going to school there too. My husband says that unless she works full-time and passes math, she’ll have to return and live with us. They don’t get along. My ex (her father) can’t help financially.
My husband wants to take her car away and have me drop her off downtown at 8 a.m. and pick her up at 5 p.m. every day until she finds work … she can then get her car back.
- Stressed in California
You and Hubby need agreement on how to encourage – not sabotage - an adult child who’s having difficulty (but trying!) to get on her own feet.
Bringing her home to hang out downtown for hours is like posting an ad for TROUBLE. Instead, she needs a structured tutoring program for math, plus career counselling to teach her how to boost her resume and seek an internship or volunteer position that can help her get a job.
It’s short-term investment for long-term goals. Guide her through this phase and she’ll move forward. OR, the problems between all three of you will worsen.
What’s the proper amount of money to give as a wedding gift? Does it matter how fancy the venue or catering is?
- Gift Curious
The most “proper” amount is no more than you can afford, so don’t be intimidated by the bridal couple’s choices.
My personal guide is around $150. Yes, I’m thinking it covers the general cost of my being a guest. But if the wedding is lavish, I don’t up the amount. For very close family, I’ve spent more; for acquaintances, less.
Your hosts know if you’re a student, or low-earner, so you don’t have to act like a high roller.
My parents aren't getting along as well as before - my father no longer wants to be with my mother because she always yells at him for some “wrong-doing.” She wants his attention but she says very harsh things sometimes, which distances him, angering her further.
They’re both slowly deteriorating because of their constant fights. When my family tried to step in, Mom pretended everything was okay. I want them both to be happy, but at this rate, I doubt their relationship will get any better.
It’s not your job to “fix” your parents’ relationship … in fact; it’s an impossible burden to place on yourself. Rather, you can watch for health issues (depression or other conditions/anxiety causing distancing), and encourage one or both parents to seek medical and/or counselling help.
If you show concern for their individual well-being, they’ll respond better than if you try to address what’s happening between them.
Tip of the day:
Periodic erectile dysfunction is a couple’s issue … not just a “guy problem.”