I experienced the worst break-up 18 months ago. It took me months to get over her, as the attraction level was high, though I knew we weren’t right for each other. 

I started dating again, but it’s been disastrous. There’s no mutual interest; I hardly get e-mail responses on online dating sites; or I’ve gone on speed-dating events and never have a “match.”

I’m an attractive man, 30, who’s caring, friendly and extremely successful. I want to meet someone to settle down with.

Many friends of both genders have said I’m “one heck of a catch.”

What can I do to have greater success to meet the girl of my dreams?

- Flummoxed

You’re trying too hard. 

Dating - which is for getting to know another well - can’t run a normal course when pressured by deadlines and panic. The women can feel your anxiety: It’s the “age 30” syndrome, plus the post-break-up need for finding that next connection.

Since you’ve achieved career success by 30, you’re behaving as though not having a partner still marks you as a failure. Try to relax and enjoy your single life, without constantly searching. Build friendships with women you meet, and take time to do so.

Let friends help by setting you up, but don’t imagine each date is the Big Test. You’ll be that great “catch” if you lose the tension.

My spouse and I separated, he moved in with his brother. 

After six months, I discovered that he’d been living with another woman from the day he left, not his brother. We chose to work on our relationship and he returned home.

Two years ago, a new child at my son’s school said his grandparent knew me - it was the other woman. She moved to the street behind us, and brought her grandson to live with her.

Every time I see her it upsets me. I’ve been in counselling on my own; my husband says he wishes it wouldn’t bother me, and if I can’t get over it, maybe we shouldn’t be together.

It’s also upset my children when they realized who the woman was, because they’d also been lied to. I don’t feel I should have this continuously rubbed in my face.

Am I wrong to be affected this way? My healing is being regressed by the other woman’s presence.

I’m trying to build trust in my husband and our relationship but she’s not helping, nor is the way he’s defending her choice to live so close to us.

- Shadowed

You can’t force her to move away, but you do have some choices: 1) Avoid her whenever possible, and ignore her otherwise. 

2) Stop letting the children know how this affects you – it only prolongs the insecurity you and they feel from the past separation.

3) Your husband is totally unfair in ignoring your feelings about this. He’s the one who lied and cheated; he owes you more understanding.

If he’s unwilling to go for counselling with you, and unwilling to consider moving, he’s acting the deal-breaker in this marriage, again.

I met the perfect woman, but feel overwhelmed. In six weeks, I’ve been introduced to her two kids and her friends. 

I’m single at 45. Am I just afraid?

- Confused

You all - especially her children – deserve more time before rushing into a union. 

Assure her of your willingness to commit (if true), once you two are sure of wanting the same things, long-term.

My son’s second wife is a control-freak monster.  

When my grandchildren (13 and 11) are in her house, if she doesn’t like their clothing, she makes them change.

Whenever her son (9) calls to my grandchildren, they must heed him immediately, or else.

When she complains about her stepchildren, my son beats them.

They don’t want to be with their dad and stepmother anymore.

My son and his wife just had twins. My grandchildren surely will get more mistreatment.

- Helpless Grandma

You need to take protective action. 

If the children report a true beating, notify children’s services. Their own mother may be able to gain total custody with no visits to dad allowed; or you yourself may wish to help raise them, so long as you’re able to do so, and can legally block your son’s interference.

With a more hectic household, this couple could indeed become even more brutish.