My girlfriend of two years recently broke up with me because she couldn’t commit.
Recently, her son, 25, returned to live with her as he’d developed a mental health issues. She’s afraid he’ll commit suicide; he refuses to take medication.
We had a trip planned; we’d discussed marriage. She said she doesn’t want to lose me yet we’re broken up. I’m devastated.
Should I wait for her to clear her mind or should I move on?
- Lonely Man
If ever there was a chance to step up as a partner this is it.
Your girlfriend’s responding to her son’s crisis as she should – she needs your support, not whining. She felt she had no choice but to focus on her son for a while. But you have a choice, which is to tell her you’ll see her when she can get out, visit her when it’s possible, provide a shoulder for her to lean on, and help her as she tries to make the best decisions.
This situation won’t last forever, but will be a part of her life for some time. Either you love her and can offer understanding and patience, or you were only with her for your own needs.
I’m madly in love with my boyfriend of two years; we’ve talked marriage. Things were once great, though six months ago things got shaky.
Today, I jokingly said I won a lottery but would give him only $400. He knew it was a lie, but got upset with me. He also changed his number and won’t give me it.
I’m hurt, and stressed. Though it’s obvious that he doesn’t want me, I still want him.
- Missing Him
You’re in love with the man he was, when you two were in sync. But six months of “shaky” is enough. He’s not joking; it’s over. Hanging on will only lead to more humiliation.
Gather your self-respect and walk away with your pride intact.
I’ve been married 20 years (children 12 and 8), and in love with another man for two years. We live in different cities and meet through work only twice yearly. The attraction’s mutual, and we’ve been physical without having sex. He was married with a young child, but divorced nine months ago.
I mostly initiate communication, through email or phone. I’m trying to get him out of my system, but feeling the urge to make contact again. He says my being married is a “stop sign.”
Marrying my husband was a cerebral choice - he’s a good man - rather than a passionate attraction.
Now I constantly think about this other man. If he starts a relationship with someone else I’ll forever lose my chance with him. Yet I hate hurting my children and believe I should sacrifice my feelings for their benefit.
How do I get this man out of my mind? How do I attend work functions where he’ll attend, without being crushed and devastated?
You’re experiencing a classic crush – not a full-fledged love affair.
You’ve spent little time with this man other than some sexual groping and impassioned chat. You have only a fantasy of what a real relationship with him would be.
He was ready to leave his wife, and not for you. But you’re NOT ready to disrupt your children’s lives.
Counter your marital restlessness by introducing some romance with hubby, e.g. a regular “date night” away from the kids.
Resist further contact. At those twice-annual encounters, stay professional, and leave early.
My husband may have a child from a previous relationship with a woman. Neither he nor she has custody of the child; they have no ties to each other, but she won’t leave us alone.
She tries to mutilate our relationship, and I feel uncomfortable with her presence (from physical to emails).
Paternity testing is something that definitely needs to happen, but I’m not sure if the problems will end there, especially if the child is his.
- Losing Tolerance
The issue is harassment, and it’s your hubby who must handle it.
First, he needs to discover whether the child is his. If so, he must deal with any obligations involved (depending on the wishes of whomever has custody, plus the law).
After that, he must put distance between this woman and you two… even if he has to get a restraining order.
Also, you two should seek legal advice about this situation.
Tip of the day:
When a partner’s under terrible pressure, it’s time for support, not complaints.