We’ve known a couple for ten years; they’re part of our circle of friends. The husband’s a lecherous creep and took every opportunity to misbehave with me behind his wife's back.

Although the wife can be very helpful, she’s short-tempered, vile, and calculating. If something goes against her wishes, she immediately snaps back with a tongue-lashing or retaliates at some other time.

My husband’s aware of all this. We’ve kept our distance from these two for over a year.
They did help us a lot when we first moved to this country and they’re also distantly related to us. According to my husband, these two reasons are sufficient for us to maintain cordial relations with them.

He’s pressurizing me to do so, causing fights between us. The couple both make me nervous and tense. How do I drive the point to my husband that I don’t wish to have anything to do with them?

Exasperated 

Stick to your points – he’s lecherous with you, she’s difficult. If he feels beholden to them, and if they’re his distant relatives, he can keep in touch on his own from time to time.

His being more involved than that could force you into the picture, and you should NOT have to expose yourself to the man or his wife’s reactions, since she’ll surely blame you if her husband’s seen “misbehaving” towards you.

Tell your husband that protecting his wife is his first responsibility.

I regularly sneak $20’s from my fiancé’s wallet. He earns way more than me, but I often pay my own way to show independence. He never misses the money, so I just make things easier for myself by lifting $40 or $60 from him each time.

There’s always a lot more in the wallet, which he leaves lying around. There’s no harm done. Is this a major issue to you?

Petty Stuff

Yes. It’s only the beginning. You’re “getting away” with small amounts now, but feeling powerful by doing it… which means it’ll likely increase.

The reality is you’re NOT independent and you know it, since you rely on this petty theft for false pride.

I believe you need counselling for this insecurity before you go farther and get caught with a major theft or fraud.

That will destroy his trust, and your relationship, because you’re stealing from a man who’s supposed to be your partner, rather than telling him you can’t afford some of the things you pay for and want.

I'm 21 and a university dropout. Most of my frustration goes back to parental neglect, since my childhood.
Many issues could be solved if I felt less lonely. I've lost most of my friends, I don't hold a good relationship with my parents, and it’s affected my relationship with my siblings.

I only have one good friend to count on, but even she can't handle the complicated person I'm becoming.
How can I develop friendships outside of university? School’s become a very negative environment. I’m considering transferring. Is a new environment the solution?

Frustrated 

You’re feeling too vulnerable on several fronts to risk a huge change. Deal with your emotional distress first.

Use the University’s student services or doctor as a starting point. Ask whether you need medication and/or other strategies to lift your depressed feelings.

Therapy over some time will help you change what you can, and accept or avoid what you can’t.

Google the Distress hotline in your locale. Have the number handy and call to speak to someone when you feel lonely and low.

We’re sick at heart over a tragedy that happened to longtime friends, yet can’t show sympathy as they’ve brushed a nephew’s suicide off as if it were a passing event.

He was a graduate student living in an apartment they owned. They saw him regularly, yet completely missed the state of his mind. We didn’t even learn about his death until a month later.

How do we behave, when on the phone they only mumbled, “yes, it’s terrible, no one could’ve known,” and switched immediately to small talk?

Stunned Friends

Give them space, but don’t withdraw your signals of ready support. They’re more stunned than you, likely with feelings of guilt and shame, even if undeserved.

Their nephew may’ve been a master at hiding feelings, may’ve suffered schizophrenia; there could be several explanations for his tragic act.

They need time to heal. Call regularly to ask how they’re doing. Behave as longtime friends.