I worked during nights when my hubby was home with the kids, ages six and nine. When I got home, there was garbage on the floor, clothes everywhere, a sinkful of dirty dishes. Everyday I cleaned, but it was the same mess the next morning. 

I finally quit my full-time job and now work part-time when the kids are at school. My hubby’s not happy with that. I said I can get back to my full-time job if he becomes responsible. He said the world is full of working moms who all work outside and also inside their homes, and why can’t I.

How can I solve this problem?

- Overworked

You already solved it, by choosing a part-time work schedule that you can handle, given that you’re married to a jerk who won’t step up as a partner. 

HE wants to share in the benefits of your better salary, but does nothing to make it less stressful for you to earn it.

YOU, on the other hand, obviously clean up after him, and undoubtedly do his laundry and cook for the family, too.

Read that last sentence aloud to him, so he can get past his silly attempt to intimidate you into accepting the role of household martyr again. If he doesn’t get it, stay with the part-time job. And, at least teach your children to clean up, so they won’t model their slob of a father.

I dated this guy in high school; we were inseparable, then all of a sudden I stopped hearing from him. I was crushed. 

Years later, I left my new number with his mom, but he was involved.

Years later, he called, and we met for lunch. He said he had a newborn son that he didn’t want the mother to have, but she insisted on having the child anyway. He claimed he no longer had anything to do with her. Then he disappeared again.

Finally, he called and came over and there was unbelievable sexual chemistry. We talked often, but suddenly he vanished again and wouldn’t return my calls.

Months later, I’d almost gotten him out of my system, and he called. I asked if we can at least remain friends this time, and he said we can also try “the dating thing again.” However, it’s different. We used to talk daily, not once a week. He comes over every two weeks. Then he announced that he’s “not ready to date.”

If I leave him this time, it’ll be for good, so your honest opinion please.

- Hopeful Romantic

Your idea of romance is way off base: This relationship is hollow, lacking any substance beyond this guy’s whims and your lack of self-respect. Your “history” is far from either friendship OR romance – based on you letting this guy yank you around repeatedly, and punish you whenever things look good by vanishing. You’ll never hold onto him this way, as he’s not committed to you, and has shown himself as not an upstanding guy (who talks about a newborn son, as something “he didn’t want to have?”). 

Too many years have passed without your figuring out why you keep going back to this careless, uncaring man. A good therapist will help you explore this: It may be that you experienced a remote relationship from one of your parents and have grown up with this example. Focus, too, on gaining the self-confidence to reject this guy fully and finally.

My boyfriend of three years had a one-year affair; we have two children and are expecting a third. 

I gave him every opportunity to leave but he swears he loves our family, and me and it’ll never happen again.

I recently took him back and I’m even more in love, but still frightened of a re-occurrence.

- Paranoid?

If you two do nothing else about the affair, you’re both leaving the door open for mistrust. 

He needs to tell you why he started this affair, and why it was so long-standing. He may be a guy who has trouble with his growing family responsibilities, and you two need to discuss how to handle this as a team.

You also need “date” time together when the kids are asleep, or a babysitter takes charge.

Note, this conversation is often best guided by a marriage counsellor and I advise you to see one together.