I’m worried that the man who married “the boss’ daughter” in our company, is gay and using the marriage to grab the business. He’s already had a previous wife and also a son, both abandoned years ago.
Several clients and people within our business circles have told me about his alternate lifestyle, which I took as not my business.
He’s privately told me stories like he “went to a gay bar with this guy...” and peppers his EVERY conversation with way too much about sexual terminology. He’s obviously gay; the boss’ daughter has low self-esteem and admits, “people think he's gay.”
Worse, he’s very controlling, even puts her down publicly.
As she’s in line to take over soon, and I’m close to her as a top manager and older mentor, do I tell her what I DO know as true?
- Hesitant In Iowa
Dismiss any thoughts of intruding into this woman’s private life with her husband. Even if he hopes to overtake her for the top job, his sexual orientation doesn’t mean he can’t manage a company.
Moreover, she may know more about him than you’re aware, is choosing to ignore it for her own reasons, or firmly believes that he’s straight.
What’s more worrisome are the put-downs, and whether there’s deception.
However, those are her business with him.
The best you can do, as a caring mentor is stay close and supportive of her at work, try to boost her self-image through her accomplishments, and be on hand if her marriage crumbles or she discovers her spouse has misled her for personal gain.
I moved 18 months ago to live closer to my adult daughter, but she’s been pushing me away, and is frequently rude to me. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she feels she’s done no wrong.
Last spring, she had a baby girl. I’ve been over to help her and to see my granddaughter, but I can’t take the rudeness anymore.
She won’t come to visit me because I smoke. I wouldn’t smoke in my house when she and the baby would visit. I mostly smoke outside.
Do I have a legal right to see my granddaughter regularly?
Smoking can be a deal-breaker in relationships, no matter what arguments are put forward on both sides.
Unless your daughter is an incompetent mother and you gain custody, there’s no law guaranteeing access for grandparents. But you both have a moral obligation to try to get along so the child can benefit from knowing her grandmother and seeing a respectful relationship between you two.
That said, the smoking might be at the heart of her discomfort with your presence, along with her huge sense of responsibility as a first-time Mom, to the health of her baby. You need to show understanding of her anxiety about this, if you’re to close the distance between you.
Remember, your clothes and breath and furnishings all smell of and carry the imprint of second-hand smoke, which has been proven to be harmful for infant lungs. If at all possible, try to stop smoking. At least, do not smoke soon before you visit, and wear fresh clothing.
Once you are making this effort, do NOT endure her rudeness. Tell her you’re willing to discuss problems between you, but not to be treated shabbily.
Let her know that her disrespectful behaviour with you will be what her child picks up and later copies.
My husband of 28 years (both early-50s) has withdrawn sex, permanently. He doesn’t understand that lack of sex and intimacy has devastated me; I feel lonely, unloved, betrayed and angry.
When I’ve initiated sex, he’s become angry and verbally abusive. He refused my pleadings for joint counselling and getting a medical check.
He’d stopped sex in the past, over situations, but never this long.
I hate to consider my next step (separation).
- Depressed and Victimized
If there’s an existing “situation,” apologize and/or clear it up. Then, be firm that, while married, you BOTH have a say in your sex life. Say you’re willing to learn and help handle any medical or emotional reasons for his withdrawal.
But his controlling behaviour of just ending intimacy is unacceptable, and, if it continues, you’ll have to decide your future on your own.
If so, do this planning with the professional guidance of a therapist.
Tip of the day:
Office gossip about someone’s partner being gay can be dangerous to both long friendships and jobs.