My partner’s family doesn’t acknowledge our five-year same-sex relationship for religious reasons, but visit our home often.  

I have a son from a previous relationship and they’re very kind to all of us. Only his mother knows we’re a couple and is accepting.

They’re all taking a family holiday; his sister’s husband and children are going, but my son and I weren’t invited. We’ll be alone for a week.

I’m estranged from family, except my mother who lives far away.

My partner didn’t celebrate Christmas growing up, so has no sympathy for leaving us behind.

We’re being treated as second-class citizens but my partner doesn’t agree.

Christmas has always been a special time for me. I don’t want to be invited if my son and I aren’t welcomed, but by not acknowledging my feelings,

I feel my partner is invalidating them.

Should I keep quiet?

- Building Resentment

Your partner knows how you feel about Christmas, as well as about how he’s ignoring your feelings; he’s already done the latter by not telling his family about your being a couple. 

However, you’ve accepted this from him, understood the religious barrier, and had a pleasant, if limited, relationship with his family. All because of your caring for him, and your understanding.

Still, you need to eventually confront this imbalance, at least in your own mind. Your son will ultimately question why you accept feeling “second class” if you’re in a loving, respectful relationship.

You need to be able to explain this to him, as well as yourself.

Meanwhile, don’t spend the holidays nursing resentment – plan fun outings for you and your son in town, or, consider visiting your own mother.

Mom has been caring for my children (5 and 3) twice weekly for three years, when they’re not in school and day-care. She looks after them at my house, which ends up a mess. It takes me a couple of hours in the evening to clean up after their day of mayhem. But I’m not going to complain, given that we don’t even pay her and, that’s just the way she is. 

Her own house could be messy or clean depending on the day.

My husband is livid; he can’t believe she’d so disrespect our things and us, as to leave our house in a mess. We’re fighting about it a lot.

He wants me to talk to her about cleaning up after herself and making the kids responsible for cleaning their toys, etc.

I’ve discussed issues regarding discipline with her (she’s very lenient) but I don’t want to bring up the war zone.

She’s the world’s best grandma and to me, a couple more years of cleaning up versus the extra costs of daycare are worth it.

- Babysitter Blues

You, the parents, are the most consistent influence in your children’s lives, so, on the tidy-up front, have storage crates and toy boxes in convenient places and establish the routine. Then, tell Mom it’s an important part of what you’re teaching them and hope she’ll comply. 

If she doesn’t, get the kids cleaning up their things after she leaves.

But on the front that matters most – which is knowing that the person caring for your kids is loving, kind, and responsible – Grandma should either be accepted as she is, or invited back to a frequent visiting role as relative, with babysitting assigned to people your husband thinks he can control through paying them.

I’m early 20’s, had a dated a guy for a year and fallen in love; it was great but I listened to my friends say I could do better. So I broke up, even though he wanted to propose. 

After several months I realized my mistake, but he said he was planning to marry someone else. I feel he lied.

I still love him, and can’t get over him a year later. But he doesn’t answer my calls, or text back, and seems to be happy.

What should I do?

- Heartbroken

Listen to your own inner voice… in your next relationship. 

Some friends have their own agenda (jealousy, competition, different goals etc.) when they badmouth a happy relationship. You didn’t have the strength of mind and convictions to tune them out, then.

Now, hopefully, you know better. This guy was wise to move on… he couldn’t trust you again. Start trusting yourself.