I’m trying hard to understand men and their behaviour. 

I’m an attractive and intelligent woman, recently approached for an affair, by an Internet chat room friend.

We’d concluded we’re soul-mates, he suggested we meet and “get better acquainted.”

He’s late 40’s, married with young children. His wife and kids were still living in his home country.

He said his wife was reserved and regretted he hadn’t met me first.

I decided against meeting, but am still intrigued as to his true motives. Was he sincere about his marital situation, and about wishing he’d met me sooner, or was it just a bunch of lines?

Was he just lonely with his wife miles away, or is he a regular cheater?

And what is soul-mate love?

- Curious

Enough wasted analysis. His behaviour was so easy for you to read that you wisely avoided an affair. 

Yes, he’s lonely, and, has possibly cheated before and will again. Or not.

What matters is that he’s not available, and you can do better than hook up with someone needy, but limited in what he can offer.

You’re over-thinking what all this meant; trying to apply it to a commentary on all men, is wrong-headed and bitter. This was one man, one situation, and you need to put it behind you.

“Soul-mate love” is a phrase this guy used to intrigue you. With someone who’s free, it can mean all the things you both want love to be.

I’m a male who’s anxious to have some “date time” with my wife, but we can’t afford babysitters along with going out, and my wife doesn’t trust young kids with cheaper rates. 

Any thoughts?

- Stuck Home

Find or form a “babysitting exchange” group with other couples you know well, and trust. 

One night, one of you baby-sits their kids; another, you two have “couple” freedom when someone baby-sits your children.

I’m a recent university graduate in science, planning to get into grad school. 

I want a change and one other city interests me (though I’ve never been there.)

I have several drawbacks from moving, since I don’t have any family there and no idea about the comparative academic standards to my past university.

I also might require a student loan which will probably result in a huge debt at a time when finding a career in science (e.g. research) is very difficult.

Is it worth moving?

- Torn

There are practical issues that need to be addressed with solid information. 

A past professor in your field can tell you about the academic standards at various universities (despite some natural prejudice, there’ll be known differences among established centres for post-graduate work in science).

Also, the new university will have department advisors who can outline the school’s specialty areas; search the school’s web site to find out how to get more information.

As for costs, it depends on whether you’re now living at home, and would have to pay rent elsewhere, or whether accommodation expenses are comparable.

However, if you’d require a large loan, this isn’t a good economic climate to take on excessive debt.

As for any move, it’s unwise to go to a city you’ve never seen.

If you still want the new school and can afford the costs, then you must visit first to see what the atmosphere feels like for you, and to check out what kind of resources are available for your non-academic and social interests.

I recently discovered that my granddaughter, 20-months-old, who’s cherished by my family, isn’t my biological granddaughter. I’m devastated and angry. 

The mother just revealed to us the identity of the real father. His family wants my family completely out of the picture.

This news has greatly upset my family.

How do I break this news to my other grandchildren?

- Devastated

Though you’re understandably shocked and hurt, you need to show grandparental wisdom for the child’s sake. 

Presumably, she’s your son’s stepdaughter, and can still be part of your family. This is something you need to stress to your son and his wife: A child can only thrive better from an excess of love, and your family already feels very attached to her.

It’s not competition with the father’s family, and won’t be confusing to the child who’s growing up in a society of many-layered families.

Tell your grandchildren she’s still their cherished relative.