I’ve been in a yearlong relationship. But I’ve been thinking increasingly about returning to university for a graduate program, eventually a PhD. I’m in my early 20s.
My girlfriend’s in a similar program/field, aiming for grad school. We originally planned on moving in together, and I’d keep working while she’s at school.

Yet, I’ve found that I don’t like working in an office environment, and would prefer to work in academia (I think).
I haven’t told her my interest in more study, because it’ll mean breaking up. In academia, there’s a very slim chance of finding a job in the same field as your partner, at the same university.

So it’d be clear that I’ve had doubts about living with her, and thus, about staying together. It’s a deal breaker if we cannot live together next year.
I care about her and don’t want to hurt her, but I’m killing myself by doing the work I’m doing now. I’m trying to decide whether to tell her (and break up) or try to make living together work.
Also, I don’t know what my odds are of getting into grad school, nor of later getting work as a professor. It’s very competitive. I also worry that I’ll pine for her, regret my decision, and try to reverse it.
She suffers from anxiety and depression, which I help support her with, as I suffer from depression myself. My decision could blindside her.

Lost and Confused

Do NOT move in together… breaking up after the move will be much harder.

Give yourself time NOW to explore the academic possibilities ahead. She’ll be disappointed, but this doesn’t have to be framed as a total break-up.

It’s largely about taking time to make sure you’re as equally on track regarding your future occupation as she is.

Meanwhile, whatever your future studies/work, it’s clear that you do have doubts about committing long-term now.

You’re young and shouldn’t feel pressured. Lots of academic couples pursue their studies separately… some eventually marry, but others don’t. Time will tell, for you two.

However, if you forceyourself now to give up your career interests to stay together, that will become the deal-breaker.

My husband’s an avid amateur photographer. On our holidays, he tries to capture every moment with his camera, and takes thousands of pictures, most of people we don’t know.

It’s a little creepy, as at the beach or park, he takes pictures of half-naked women and of other peoples’ children at play.

Our grown children (he’s early-50's) told him his pictures are an invasion of strangers’ privacy.

He insists they’re in a public place, and have absolved their privacy.

Our friends also don’t like that he takes pictures of them when they’re caught unawares, e.g. when their mouths are open. He won’t listen, which upsets our friends.

It’s becoming to the point where I don’t want to go on holidays with him anymore.

Camera Concerned 

He seems obsessed with photography as an art form, but doesn’t get that he’s coming across as intrusive even with friends, and using the lens as his excuse.

Meanwhile, it’s ruining your vacation time together.

Consider telling him to Go Pro or Go Home. Translation: He could join a photography course, or organized photographers’ excursions, and snap away to his heart’s content while learning more about his hobby (including the standards on privacy).

Then, his vacation trips with you have to be camera-free. It’s a solution that could satisfy both of you, since you each get something you want.

My sister’s coming to our city for work. I invited her to spend her final night at our house. She’ll be at a hotel the rest of the time.

My wife’s furious because she says our house is a dump (it isn't).

I can put her up at a hotel, but it’s embarrassing to say she can't stay here for one night, especially when we can accommodate her easily.

I'm happy to fix things up cosmetically beforehand. My wife's mom has stayed with us occasionally, without a problem. I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Hospitable Bro

Not unreasonable, but we’re both missing some point. Perhaps you invited your sister without first checking with your house partner. Perhaps the two women don’t get along. Or your sister lives more affluently, which makes your wife feel uncomfortable.

Whatever the background issue, address it. Then, agree to discuss ahead, next time.