I left my girlfriend, as our relationship had become unhealthy and abusive.
When we met she was hanging around the wrong people but I brought balance to her life. She moved in with me; but she became possessive and disliked my talking to or spending time with anyone, not even my family.
She was bi-polar so some days were amazing, others horrible. She thought that my wanting to talk to or see my family was my way of trying to hurt her. I talk to them once or twice weekly and visit them in another city one weekend every other month.
She’d ask who I’d choose between them or her; who did I love more.
Her medication wasn’t helping.
There was an alleged “suicide attempt,” threats against her own and my well being, private and public emotional outbursts.
She punched me in the face twice; I finally just left.
I wanted to help her, but at what cost? I miss her and wonder if I made a huge mistake.
- Hard to Move On
Leaving is necessary, when other efforts fail to end abuse.
This woman needs more psychological help than any partner can provide. She needs ongoing therapy to develop ways to live with her bi-polar condition, and to recognize when she’s spiraling out of control.
Your difficulty moving on comes from your first mistake, which is believing that your role in this union was to rescue her. It wasn’t possible, and only turned you both into co-dependents, until you wisely left.
Start dating again, with an eye to finding a stable partner who’s your equal, not someone you must save.
My younger sister, age 20, is 40 pounds overweight at 5 foot 4. She’s adopted, so didn’t inherit our parents’ slim physiques. I’m tall and slightly curvy, my sister’s always been rounder.
My mother tried to instill healthy eating habits during both our childhoods. Somehow, my sister would go out to buy junk food, which she’d hoard and hide in her room.
She still lives at home. My mother and father have talked to her, cooked healthy meals, they even all went on diets together, and also sent her to a therapist. However, she still gains weight because she goes out and has no control over what she eats.
I’m scared of what could eventually happen to her if she continues like this, but I’m not sure how to bring it up with her.
My mother says if anyone raises the issue, my sister gets extremely defensive. She does work out and plays tennis but she doesn’t have a balanced diet.
Back off. Do not discuss weight, healthy eating, dieting or working out with your sister, and advise your parents to also stop all pressure on this front. Acceptance is what your sister needs most of all.
She’s been physically and metabolically different from the people closest to her since she’s been adopted, and she needs to learn that it’s just fine. She needs to feel just as loved and “perfect” as she is, as everyone else.
I’m all for healthy eating, and fitness, and hopefully one day her self-esteem will kick in enough to make her choose that lifestyle. But your worrying and the family’s focus on her weight have become excessive.
She may always be a plus-size woman, so stop trying to re-make her. Your unconditional acceptance is the boost she needs to her self-image, whether or not she decides to improve her nutrition.
My boyfriend’s never happy; he has a nice car, owns his own home, yet says he’s depressed because he doesn’t have a boat, a nicer house and his own businesses.
I don’t know how to show him that life is good; we’re healthy, love each other and are doing okay financially.
He says I’ll never be successful with my attitude.
It’s really getting to me that he doesn’t appreciate anything he has. Why does he feel this way and how can I help him?
This is his basic life view – his constant desire for “more” and “better” is unlikely to change. Your task is to decide if you love him enough to put up with it.
When he’s achieving goals, he’ll be happy, and you’ll benefit in material goods. But, periodically, he’ll be dissatisfied and restless. That’s what you’ll have to learn to accept, support, and/or ignore.
Tip of the day:
A relationship based on “rescuing” a partner from mental health issues, is unhealthy for both parties.