I became friends with a female co-worker who was dating my male colleague and friend. My wife and I had them over for dinner parties.
I left that job; the couple later broke up.
I was always closer to her. Eventually I broke ties with the guy who wasn’t so great.
She and I kept in touch, and have had lunch together since we work nearby. We’ve even had dinner and seen a movie occasionally and sometimes talk on the phone.
We usually go when I have a softball game after work and have to wait several hours to play (I live too far to go home and back).
Her family likes me but doesn’t approve of us hanging out.
More importantly, I’ve asked my wife before each time that my friend and I hang out, to make sure she’s okay with it. I love my wife and kids and have a great life with them. I don’t see my friend as anything other than that.
My wife trusts me, which makes me love her even more. Am I doing the right thing by my wife? Should I worry about what my friend’s family thinks?
- Just Friends
Why court trouble? If her family disapproves, they don’t fully trust her and feel she’s disrespecting someone (your wife, someone she dates?).
While it’s fine for married people to have friends of the opposite sex, it’s best to share that friendship with your partner, rather than always meet as just you two. Invite this pal to your home when you have others coming for a dinner, and do less of the getting together without your wife.
During that wait for the softball game, you could be picking up groceries, have your wife get a sitter and meet you for a “date” before and afterwards, or have the whole family come out to watch you play.
A family member who’s very ill may have only a few years left.
He’s always been very angry, and conveyed that I’m lower on the scale.
He’s always saying he’s great looking, sexy, generous, while I should wear nicer shoes, go to a better hairdresser, lose weight, etc.
I researched Narcissistic Personality Disorder on the Internet and he fits the criteria: an inflated sense of self-importance, need for admiration, lack of empathy for others.
Now he’s more abusive and blames us or his illness on everything, including his own nastiness.
Should I let him know he may have this disorder or will that cause a bigger outburst? He already had a major blowout and has stopped all communication with me.
- Fed Up
Do NOT counter his nastiness with your own – that’s what your “diagnosis” appears to be: a way to get back at this man.
Internet descriptions are generalized, not specific to a particular person who may have other factors affecting their behaviour, such as a brain tumour, chronic pain, or other things, which you do not know and can’t assume.
Meanwhile, your reaction to his putdowns are partly your own contribution to the negative relationship. You could’ve laughed and said you love your own hairdo, you’re happy with your weight. Instead, some of your annoyance has to do with your own self-esteem issues.
Leave this man with his much greater burden to bear than yours. If you want to try to rise above the situation, send him a nice note, and only see him again when you feel strong enough not to let his comments get to you.
My two-year relationship ended badly, with no future hope. It left me with fidelity and trust issues.
I’ve had men throwing themselves at me all my life and have gotten great at knowing how to laugh off their flirts as jokes. But I’m now ready to start looking for a best friend, yet unsure how to make the first step.
I’m uncertain of my ability to trust another man after meeting jerks. What signs can I look for in Mr. Right?
- Starting Again
First, look to yourself and make sure you’re not repeating old patterns of choice, e.g. attraction to looks before character, rushing too soon, whatever has not worked for you in the past.
When someone appears sincerely interested, take time to develop the friendship and trust you’re seeking, before allowing your emotions to move into romantic mode. If the chemistry’s right and respect is mutual, banish your insecurity.
Tip of the day:
If an opposite-sex friendship doesn’t include your partner sometimes, it’s open to controversy.