We've been married for 25 years and, in my opinion, are relatively happy; but both of us are ambivalent about soon becoming empty nesters when our youngest child moves out.
I worry about my wife's view of what I consider are minor bumps along the marriage path.
Weeks will pass in loving fashion, and then a situation will arise where I correct or admonish her in a grumpy tone - never yelling or nasty - for constantly reminding me to do something I never miss.
One example: when she'll keep reminding me to take out the garbage.
In her anger, my wife views these situations as emotionally and verbally abusive, evidence of deep, dark problems with our marriage. While I can assure her that I'll try to be nice and loving 24-7, I can't guarantee never slipping up. I end up walking on eggshells.
We're seeing a counsellor, mainly trying to work on shortening the long resolution phase (the big chill) of our disagreements.

- Eggshell Man

You think a little grumpiness is no big deal; she thinks a little nagging doesn't hurt.
Is this a major problem?
I say, you're both more emotionally on track than you realize, by thinking about the huge changes ahead, as empty nesters.
Your wife's fears that these "bumps" reveal deeper chasms may result from anxieties over middle age, menopause, and a marriage without the structure of caring for growing children's needs.
Your concerns reflect a realization that you, too, may have to make adjustments in attitude and actions, in order for this new phase to work.
Counselling can help you both re-build compassion for each other.
Do not limit your therapy to any one symptom like the "chill" - rather, stay with the process of discovery and self-revelation until you're communicating with each other, instead of at each other.

I have no feelings for my ex-boyfriend beyond the fact that I still think he's an immature jackass whom I'm glad to be rid of.
But, I find myself pondering what an encounter with him might be like if it ever happened. Is this something normal to contemplate?

- Curious

Curiousity is normal. But if you're constantly pondering different encounter scenarios, then, obsessing over something that may or may not happen is a waste of time. So don't.
Remember, the more that you think about your ex-boyfriend - whether to badmouth him in a newspaper column or daydream about insulting or criticizing him in person - the more you're still spending a lot of emotional energy on someone you think is an immature fool.
So what does that say about you?
Besides, if you sometimes find yourself imagining a positive meeting with him, better to zip it on the rude name-calling. Or you'll be the one who ends up looking like a foolish donkey.

This summer my dad forced me into a mental health lockdown facility.
By the end of that month I was diagnosed as "normal" and released, extremely lucky to be going to school this year.
Unfortunately, my dad doesn't believe the diagnosis and continues to "treat" me at home - including verbal abuse, not letting me see my friends, and constant monitoring. My mom doesn't see the point, but she, like me, is afraid of him.
When confronted, he just accuses me of "putting him through hell" this summer. I'm financially dependent on him, but what do I do?

- Kept down by Dad

Plan for your future, and protect your present. If your father's abuse and monitoring persist at an intolerable, frightening level, you need help leaving home.
A confidential discussion with a school guidance counsellor could be a good place to start, to learn about what resources are available to you.
However, if you can stick it out awhile (if he's not physically violent), you can start taking steps toward independence: consider getting a part-time job, looking into scholarship programs for tuition, and find out about student loans for accommodation.
Meanwhile, if you and your father are at loggerheads because he believes that your friends are a bad influence, or that your behaviour is leading you into serious trouble, then suggesting to him that you'd go to counselling for these issues, might get him off your back.

• To learn more about which agencies can help and what resources are available, call Kids Help Phone, which serves youths as well as younger children and adolescents. Phone: 1-800-668-6868; web site: www.kidshelphone.ca.