This is a followup question to one I asked earlier (March 14). I wrote regarding a big fight I had with my sister who I thought was my bff. It was just after Christmas last year. A year later and there’s no change.

I’ve heard many things my sister has said about me and our falling out. None true and all very hurtful. Thus confirming that her love for me was absent much earlier then I realized. It’s all been very shocking to me.

I still don’t have any plans, though I thought the goal was to move back to my sister’s area. It is still so hurtful to realize that my sister was and is OK with treating me badly simply because she needs to take out her frustrations on someone. I still stand strong on not accepting less respect and decency than anyone else. BUT I miss my sister.

I’m the younger one and simply don’t know life without her.  But I’d rather she doesn’t pretend to like me. There’ve been so many things that have happened among the family that I wish we could talk about. There have also been some changes in my own life that I wish I had my older sister to reach out to.

I should mention she fell ill early in the year, and I did reach out to her, but her quick response was to tell me to leave our relationship be. She has finally allowed some communication between me and her kids. Speaking to my nephews is very bittersweet. I am heartbroken after each call as it’s clearly too far in the past for them to know me other than the aunt that lives far away and calls once in a blue moon (only during the times my sister allocates); and they’re often too busy when I call. I was there every day for the first few years of their lives. I love those boys deeply and miss them terribly.

I wonder if it’s easier for all involved if I just give up. It’s clear to me from what she tells others that there is much hatred there. Because I am honest and genuine, I do not worry where her feelings come from because they are not coming from anything true. I know who I am and have nothing to hide.

I likely made hating me very difficult, since I thought she was my best friend. She must say these awful things about me for some true real reason. I guess she doesn’t like me as a person.  I am not sorry for anything from last Christmas. She feels she had a right to treat me as she did and is upset, but I didn’t accept her behaviour, as I have before. It’s not OK for her to treat anyone that way.

How do I accept the loss of my sister when accepting her loss as my bff was so hard?

Still Suffering

Unfortunately, from both your letters, it sounds as though your relationship is completely one-sided. For whatever reasons, your sister doesn’t want anything to do with you. Whatever you’ve done for the past year hasn’t worked. Take a new approach. Give your sister some space.

Be strong and focus on getting your own life on track. Discover your interests, look for employment, secure a job and start making some money. Find a place to live and make yourself a home. Go out and make friends. Do the things you like to do.

At the same time, stay in touch with your nephews. Secure a weekly call, or, if you’re in town, maybe even take them for ice cream or to the zoo. When you have gained back some strength, reach out to your sister.

FEEDBACK Regarding the spouse convinced her husband is cheating (Nov. 16):

Reader – “Has this woman tried asking her husband if he's having an affair, and if so, why? Has she considered listening to his answer, rather than dissolving into tears, accusations and recriminations?  Married people have affairs for a reason.

“Also, have you considered whether her suspicions are valid, or reflective of something darker? Is this a genuine concern, or the kind of suspiciousness we see with an abusive spouse that is seeking to control their partner?  Would you have suggested the same course of action if this were a man expressing a similar concern about his wife?

“You checked an ‘international website,’ but did you check the laws of the jurisdictions in which your readers reside?”

Lisi – My readers send me questions from across the globe. And my first response to this woman was to talk to her husband.