I'm seeing a lawyer about leaving my wife of 25 years. I love her but resent her humiliating flirting.

At our son's wedding, as I approached her to dance, she ran over to pull our son's friend onto the dance floor. The young man later kissed her goodbye and said, "just four more kisses..."

It's happened at least 20 times over our married life. At social events, I always have to watch her and her latest man-in-focus.

When confronted, things improve, and then it happens again. Am I over reacting by considering divorce when it was just a dance and some kisses?

Spent

She's an attention-grabber, albeit the wrong way. Flirting's annoying and hurtful, but unless she's actually cheating, serious discussion comes before divorce.

It's time she understood that her public flirting makes her look insecure, needy, and a crappy wife.

Tell her you're contemplating leaving, that without the back-up of a loving husband, flirting is far less satisfying or safe. If she continues, see a counsellor as well as your lawyer, to decide whether you want to change your life over these incidents.

I don't want my in-laws in my daughter's life, but I also don't want to hurt my husband.

We've been the outcasts since he came to live with me when I was attending college. They stopped us from visiting our nieces - they'd lie that the kids were sick and that my husband's brother didn't want us around. They'd then tell his brother that we didn't want to visit.

They said I was drug- and alcohol-addicted and influencing my boyfriend. We made up with his brother; I next learned that their sister, 30, lives in his parents' basement, never finished high school, never worked, and never went out.

We then started visiting his brother, who lives on disability so no one works, but we didn't go every weekend. My sister in-law took offence.

When my daughter was born, she and her husband were often at my in-laws; there'd be special-occasion dinners to which we weren't invited. They'd all tell us different lies as to why.

When my mother was hospitalized we asked his mother to baby-sit for an hour while we visited her; after agreeing, my MIL called back to cancel. My SIL had decided that my daughter's previous cold (gone) could still be passed on to her kids.

My husband and I are the only ones trying to make a living for ourselves. My SIL has even turned his parents against me going back to school.

I want to protect my daughter from the emotional pain they've caused. If I cut all ties while she's so young, she won't be affected. What should I do?

Shabby Treatment

Rise above the jealousy, ignorance and petty squabbles within this family. Otherwise, your daughter's bound to ask one day why she never sees those relatives. No honest explanation can alter your message, that family is dispensable. That's a lesson you may one day hugely regret.

Also, unless your husband chooses himself to be estranged from his family, he'll resent your inability to handle this differently.

These people are operating from a jealous and defensive position, where inferiority complexes often take hold. Stop reacting to their every move. Continue your education, raise your child with tolerance, and visit your in-laws when possible to maintain a semblance of family connection.

Be grateful that your own lives are on a healthier emotional foundation.

Sarcasm is destroying a family we love. No one knows how to talk straight. The comments may seem funny sometimes, but someone's usually being targeted.

The adults have made it their way of life; yet when their children comment sarcastically, the parents get annoyed. Meanwhile, one member's struggling with cancer, and the others' constant sarcasm isn't garnering any help or sympathy for the family.

Sad Observer

There's a reason sarcasm is called the lowest form of wit: People who revert to it constantly would rather jab away at others, than risk speaking openly about their feelings or opinions. It reveals a lack of emotional intelligence as well as a perverse sense of humour.

Call them on it, as in, "You're pushing everyone away when you most need friends who care and would help. It's NOT funny, obviously shows your fear of feelings, and teaches your kids the same."

Then help out, anyway.