I’m really hoping you can help me. I married a hothead. It’s part of his culture to be loud, passionate, exuberant and emotional. But sometimes it’s just too much to handle.

We have a son. He was a bit wild as a youngster, full of energy. Now, he’s a teenager and a competitive soccer player – and a hothead!

I’m trying to teach him to stay level-headed, at all times, but especially on the field. He gets a yellow card at least once a week. His father and I obviously don’t agree that this is an issue. He’s just as passionate a spectator, yelling, questioning the referee’s calls, etc.

How can I show my child that excitement and passion do not have to interfere with having a good time and being a team player? He’s an amazing player and his team suffers every time he is benched.

I fear the rift between me and my husband is growing and it’s negatively affecting our son. Help!

Hot head, cold bed

You two, as a couple, need to seek marriage counseling. Your husband is who he is, and he’s the same guy you married. Maybe his passion is getting stronger with age, but he’s not going to suddenly become mild-mannered or meek. A marriage counsellor will help you see each other’s attributes and figure out how to live with each other harmoniously. Or not.

As for your son, a sit-down with the coach would be beneficial. But you and your husband need to see him first and know where he stands. If the coach is as hotheaded as your son, then he’s going to push him to continue in this fashion. Know his position before you bring your son in to the conversation.

Lastly, you and your husband need to come together as a unit on how to help your son navigate this time of his life. As a teenager, his hormones are raging and perhaps the soccer field is the best (and safest) place for him to let it all out. If nothing works with your son, he may need to seek some counselling of his own. He won’t be the first teenager who needs outside guidance, especially post-COVID.

My daughter is 28. I just found out that she spent her teenage years sneaking out of the house on a regular basis. Our house wasn’t large, but her bedroom was in the front, while mine was in the back. She would wait until I was asleep, which was never very late because I go to bed early-ish, and sleep deeply.

Clearly nothing untoward happened to her during those escape excursions, but I feel like such a terrible parent. How could I not have known?

Guilty in arrears

Don’t be so hard on yourself. What’s done is done. Fortunately, nothing bad happened to your daughter on those nights that she was out, unbeknownst to you.

For whatever reason, at the time, she felt the need to rebel against you (and your rules), and she found a way. Her evening jaunts gave her a sense of power – she had a secret! – and that helped her feel good about herself.

In your longer letter, you mention she was a good student, with great grades, involved in extracurricular activities, had lots of friends, and was happy overall. If sneaking out occassionally was her vice, it was pretty innocent.

Now that she’s an adult, tell her that you feel guilty for not having known. Not so you could have punished her (which you probably would have done), but because you never wanted her to think that you weren’t always there for her. Then have a laugh because karma will bite her back. She should sleep with one eye open when her (future) children are teenagers.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman fearful of summer cottage guests (March 11):

Reader – “Sure, talk to your partner, but the one who needs to understand expectations and responsibilities is the guest. By just talking to her husband, the writer will not lay out some conditions for the visit to the guest, which seem required.”

Reader – “The problem with cottage guests is that they don’t realize how much work goes into having them visit. New sheets on the beds, fresh towels, more food, extra cooking, more laundry once they leave, etc.

“The best cottage guest asks if they should bring sheets, always brings their own towels, and brings specific three meals, and plenty of snacks and wine.”

Lisi – Agreed. First, I suggested she talk to her husband so they are on the same page. Then, when anyone asks to come up to visit, they can say yes, but……. Here are the expectations and limitations.