I’ve had a fantasy of watching my wife with another man. From what I’ve researched about it online, this fantasy is a mix between my being the “cuckold” who’s betrayed and her being the “hot wife.”

I'll spare you and your readers the details of how it plays out, but the guy in my fantasy is more endowed physically, longer lasting, etc. than I am.

I don't seek the domination/humiliation that goes along with cuckold erotica that I've read, but I do want to see her pleasured and hear her tell me how amazing it feels (even though I think I do a pretty good job in bed as it is).

It's more like this – during the fantasy, she's hesitant, still loves me as before, but can't resist the urge to try this muscular hung stud.

How do I bring this up? Is it offensive to even suggest it? Should I just keep it as my own fantasy?

We’re both 35, married professionals, with two young children.

Dreaming or Offending?

If you’re hesitant to even suggest it, I’d say you’ve had the best of this fantasy all on your own.

Use it as your own private erotica if it gives you heightened passion when you make love with your wife.

Turn-on scenarios have their place in keeping sexual activity varied and exciting.

However, if this fantasy reflects your feeling that she’s not that aroused during lovemaking, then raise the general idea of fantasies with her.

Ask her if she has any, and if she’d like to share them during intimacy? Tell her you have some yourself.

But don’t present this one as a request, because the idea of bringing someone else into the picture may be a long-lasting turn-off.

As a young gay man, I’m unsure how to handle certain questions I’m asked socially e.g. why I choose not to date, why I’m not using queer hook-up apps, and why I don't put myself out there.

The truth is, at 22, I’ve made the conscious decision to focus on my career, and myself before re-entering the dating world (after trying to maintain relationships that didn't work out).

I’m actually ashamed that I feel I have to strive to obtain an image of a “perfect” life, which I won't be happy without.

I’m self-critical to the point of self-sabotage, as I don't believe I’m capable of loving someone if I can't work on myself.

I want to meet a gentleman who respects my interests, and ultimately, loves me for who I am, but I feel that waiting for the perfect "Mr. Right" won't happen, and that I'll wallow in self-pity and shame while searching for him.

Am I too hard on myself, unrealistic in waiting for the perfect guy? And unrealistic that someone won't like me for me?

The Seeker

Yes. You’re too hard on yourself, and unrealistic, but mostly, you’re young and naturally idealistic, which doesn’t doom you to an “imperfect” life.

In some ways, you’re just cautious, focusing on achievements at this time. It means you’ll be somewhat more mature and self-satisfied when you start dating seriously.

But I suspect that your focus on “perfection” comes from past pressure from family and others.

Therapy can help you stop worrying in isolation, and work to shuck some of that emotional burden. It can also give you self-confidence in what you have to offer to a relationship within yourself.

Five years ago, my brother, and only sibling, suddenly became ill and died at 41. We were very close as kids and still had a good relationship. He and his wife had two young children.
Now my sister-in-law, whom I've known since I was 14, is living with a friend of both my brother and her. He was once married to her best friend, but they divorced years ago.
Their relationship began a year after my brother died. He’s a good guy and she’s deserving of happiness, but I’m having a difficult time accepting their relationship.

How can I deal with these feelings? I avoid visiting with them because it should be my brother who’s still there in his home.

Want to be Accepting

You’re still grieving this sudden loss but you can’t get past it if you negate what your brother would’ve wanted most – your involvement with his children. By staying away, you deny that ongoing link you and the children need, which likely his widow needs too.