I met a woman at church; unfortunately, she was attacked one month before we met. I wanted to get her and her daughter, age 2, out of the place where it happened and moved them in with me a month after we dated. I treated her daughter like my own, and I also have my own daughter on weekends. 

Then, this woman had surgery and I have to do everything - bathing everyone, cooking, cleaning. I got a response from her that she was doing it before, and it’s not a big deal.

I work all day and then come home and take care of everyone and now she went to her family’s house, making me look like the bad guy. I feel unappreciated big time and I think it’s over between us.

I’d bought her a ring and we were going to get married this year. I feel guilty about the little girl with no father in her life.

I’ve been in bad relationships before and think being single might be the best thing for me, I’ve been thinking about getting counselling; what do you suggest?

- Unappreciated

You’re a good man who may’ve hit a sensitive nerve with this woman when she was most vulnerable. She likely felt you resented her presence. 

If you feel this relationship followed a pattern of other bad endings, then counselling would be wise. It’ll help you understand your own reactions better and help you with future relationships, even with your own daughter.

As for the other child, your responsibility only extends as far as her mother wants it to. If she’s moved on, her child is probably young enough to not feel you abandoned her. If you think otherwise, sending birthday and holiday cards would be appropriate unless her mother asks you to stop.

My husband of 18 years has always enabled his daughter, 38, to live beyond her means. She expects her dad (ultimately me, since he’s retired) to constantly bail her out.

Last year, behind my back, she hit him for a $2,000 “loan” for dental work. He crossed the line and borrowed from my mother, 83. I hit the roof. He’s on a fixed income and I’m only employed for 10 months yearly; his daughter works, has manicures and smokes.

I can no longer trust my husband to honour our commitment to each other.

A year later, my mother hasn’t been paid back, which has strained my relationship with her. Worse, my husband started repaying my mother (without consulting me), from our joint account. So my husband and I agreed he’d stop giving his daughter any money until she’d repaid my mom and him.

Last night, I overheard her asking again for money. He arranged to immediately meet her and “help.” I stepped into the conversation and said no. Another huge fight with my husband transpired.

Money has been their relationship ever since I came on the scene 20 years ago. I’m ready to walk out the door.

- Wit’s End

Give your marriage a last chance, and let your husband know it: Separate your bank accounts and let him deal with his daughter out of his own pocket. Be firm that you’ll NOT bail him out. 

Remember your own part– you put up with this for years. But now, the father-daughter dysfunction is affecting your joint limited income.

He’s done his daughter a disservice by not insisting long ago that she get credit counselling and/or face the consequences of her over-spending, herself.

My husband and I recently emigrated here – largely, to each run from the other’s mother! But they still affect us. 

He does business in our home country; after, my mother calls to complain about something he said to her there. She’ll use phrases that I know he uses. I end up fighting with him when he returns.

Our four-month-old baby is already being used as another pawn. I love them both but hate having to choose.

- Torn

Your choice is made already: It’s baby and Hubby in your new environment. Unless your husband troubles you in many other ways, you simply need to tell him to either not see your mother or deal with her without telling you a word about it. 

Tell Mom the same. It’s clear she wants your attention – so give it to her in other ways, chatting about the baby, asking about her life… period.