My husband’s had a rocky relationship with his ex-wife (mostly to do with custody/access and finances); they had 4 children, including triplets. They can’t solve any issues, so a judge decided for them. 

Recently, my husband discovered (through mutual friends) that his ex took fertility drugs in order to conceive the triplets, and that she originally conceived quintuplets and had a reduction. He’s upset, and curious to know if this is true.

He knows that he cannot change the past, and loves all his children. He says that he cannot ask her, because she’ll never tell him the truth. He worries that if he goes through the court system to access this information, his ex will be livid, and give him problems with access again.

- Shocking News

The information is irrelevant now, but highly inflammable to the relationship that these parents must have. 

It’s also irresponsible of these “friends” to spread the story, accomplishing nothing but hurt and anger.

Worse, if leaked out to the children, it can arouse guilt feelings and resentments that can cause them to eventually distance themselves from both parents.

Your husband needs to squash this rumour by saying he wants to hear nothing more about it, and that no one can be sure anyway, if it’s true or just a dramatic tale.

I’m in a four-year relationship and still think of my past one (several years); he wasn’t ready to settle down. But he helped me raise a child that’s still close to him. 

Should I cut ties with him and carry on with the man I’m with?

- Blast from the Past

Reality Check: Guy #2 is gone, or thinks you are. Guy #1 isn’t getting a fair deal, since your mind is elsewhere. 

It may be a novel idea for you, but if a relationship isn’t holding your interest, you should end it. Going it alone for a while has some benefits: e.g. getting to know yourself better, becoming self-reliant and confident, and making a more committed choice next time.

My friend’s having problems with her unmarried sister over her two kids, both with different fathers. The son, 11, decided to live with his father. The day before he told his mom, he’d talked to his aunt (my friend) and uncle (her brother). They told him to do what he feels is best and would make him most happy. 

Because of this, she’s been excommunicated from her sister. She’s tried to call to talk but is ignored. The sister rarely communicates with the rest of the family, who are also upset because they don’t get to see her daughter, who’s 3.

My friend would like to patch things up, and genuinely feels she didn’t do anything wrong. But her sister feels she’s the reason her son decided to live with his dad. Can anything be done to fix things?

- Concerned

Your friend needs to cast aside her cloak of innocence and recognize the powerful emotions her sister faces in having her son reject her. 

Your friend should’ve thought ahead about this, listened to the boy as a caring aunt, sent him home to discuss it all with his mom, and advised him to not make a decision until he did so. She owes her sister an apology.

If she wants a relationship with her, she should encourage the rest of the family to put aside their judgments and work harder at connecting with this single mother and both her children.

I’m having difficulty being in tune with my relationship; I’m upgrading my studies for an undergraduate degree - stressed, tired and lacking patience. 

When expressing to my partner of five years how I feel, I get angry and overbearing. I end up feeling that I did something wrong because I let him know what’s truly on my mind instead of him feeling the problem is him.

- Need Insight

When stressed, tired and impatient, the wrong thing to bring to a relationship is an outburst of your feelings. Worse, is to do it repeatedly. 

You have better options: 1) Explain to your partner what you need from him during this stressful time.

2) Set a reasonable study schedule, follow it in a private space (a closed room, or the local library) for a set period, then join your partner in the normal routines of your life.

If too uptight, take a rest, instead.