My husband of 17 years has been fighting depression; he's an alcoholic, recently diagnosed with Liver Disease/Cirrhosis. If he doesn't stop drinking he'll die! Yet, I've already found empty bottles.

He was referred to an outpatient program for alcoholics with a four to six week wait! He rejects going to Alcoholics' Anonymous (won't join a group). I keep threatening him that I want him to leave and get help. Our two young teens don't understand why he doesn't get help or can't stop.

I'm running out of answers and unsure if I can stick it out anymore. He said if I kick him out or leave he'd die for sure. I know I'll feel guilty the rest of my life. I'm seeing a therapist and asked him to join me, but he thinks it won't help.

Desperate Situation

Do everything you can for yourself and your children - they desperately need that model of self-care and personal responsibility from at least one parent. It means continuing therapy, getting some counselling for the kids, and joining Al-Anon/Alateen to learn how other families have handled similar situations, and to feel less alone with this burden.

Your husband's self-destructive behaviour is beyond your control, so feeling guilt is misplaced. It's grief he'll leave behind, and a crummy legacy for his children. Tell him so.

Hopefully, he'll make it to the outpatient program. Stop pushing for him to see a therapist, but keep that door open and inviting. Any insights he gets about the roots of his alcoholism may trigger a desire for change.

Meanwhile, stop feeling it's up to you to "fix" him. You can't, so make sure you're prepared to carry on effectively, no matter what happens.

I have a friendly, open, personality, generous to my friends, always giving a helping hand. However, I've been taken advantage of frequently, put into awkward situations, and ended up in financial hardship. I assume people are good-natured and will help me if I need it, but this proved wrong many times.

Some people even EXPECT me to help them no matter what, even when I'm struggling myself. How do I maintain my friendships, while still protecting my own interests?

Taken for Granted

From now on, truly give "a hand" but not financial help - it means offering to drive somewhere, or pick someone up, or listen to a problem, but NOT doing things that have you giving up money or time you cannot afford.

It's because this has happened to you "frequently," that you need to put up a soft wall to protect yourself, or all these others will continue to implore you for a handout, or a co-signature at the bank, a so-called "loan," etc.

As soon as you hear those familiar words, "I need..." jump in with, "Yeah, so do I; times are tough right now. How else can I give you a hand?"

My stepbrother passed away recently; I liked him a lot, but when our parents split up (second marriage for both) the families went separate ways. We both got busy with jobs and young families, and lost touch.

I don't know whether to attend the funeral. I only met his wife twice, and I don't know his kids. But he and I had once shared some memorable times.

Uncertain

Honour the connection you had, and honour the person. His family will appreciate that you cared to come; share some or your nice memories to add to their own.

My first-ever date went well, until he walked me to my car and kissed me. I freaked out and said, "I've never kissed a guy before."

He later texted me that he had a good time. On the second date, we held hands but there was SO MUCH silence. I didn't have anything to say... I've struggled with overwhelming shyness all my life, in fear of judgment.

So I blame my dating flop on my own personality, and put myself down for failing.

Bad Experience

The "judgment" lies inside your head, not from others. Your shyness may be overcome with individual counselling, so it's time to address it rather than let it defeat you.

You didn't "fail" - the guy may've been shy, too, since he didn't say much either. Or he mistook your quiet for not liking him. Or he's just the wrong fit for you. Keep dating, while working on self-confidence.