My boyfriend embarrasses me publicly when he says things I'd never say in the presence of others. His response to my comment is, "I'm a very friendly person, why should I present some fake image?"

However, I don't think other people in our social circle need to know every detail of our lives.

Example: At dinner with another couple, he said his credit card was maxed out. He omitted saying he'd just made a very large purchase in order to collect the points, and that he pays off his bills every month.

Also, two years ago he was forced out of his management job after 30 years, due to health problems. The company offered a deal which he accepted. But whenever anyone new asked what he does, he'd detail "the raw deal" he got, which wasn't an accurate portrayal.

I feel that he seeks pity, and it's embarrassing to be around. It's normal to share things with close people but not in a social setting among those you barely know.

Should I leave him out of my social life and just spend time with him alone? Or am I the one with the problem?

Embarrassed

Do the math: HE doesn't care that he embarrasses you; YOU don't care that he's seeking attention - that equals two people's problems.

It appears, since it's bothering you now, that his loose-lipped revelations are recent rather than his longtime pattern, so perhaps it has something to do with a man no longer having an important job after 30 years. Instead of complaining or socializing without him, try to get him involved in doing something new.

Volunteering in an area where he has some expertise would restore some pride. Or, taking a course in something new, would engage him. Whatever gets him occupied, be prepared that'll be the topic of his future conversations.

Meanwhile, it'll show him that you care enough to want him active and enthused about life, rather than only seeing the negatives. Then, ask that he care enough to be discreet about your private lives.

My husband's repeatedly accused me of cheating over 14 years together. I never have, nor been in any kind of inappropriate relationship.

Initially, I threw myself into trying to make sure that he knew how much I loved him. The last couple of times it just made me angry. Knowing that he'd gone through my emails, cell phone, purses, etc. made me feel violated.

How does an innocent person prove their innocence? The side effect of giving him access to my passwords and phone records is that a wrong number now upsets me. Should I make note of the date and time in case he decided to question me? I can't email friends privately to debate whether I should finally leave him?

I resent that I can't have a shred of privacy or autonomy lest I arouse his suspicions. Our relationship's teetering on the edge.

Wrongfully Accused

Many readers have reported similarly destructive hounding by a partner who's suspicious without cause. It sometimes creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, by pushing the innocent partner to leave.

If his accusations persist, I see only one hope: Go to marital therapy along with him, for you both to try to probe and understand his deep insecurity. So far, you've clearly had strong reasons to stay. So, make that one last big effort for everyone's sake, to get to the cause and hopefully work on a strategy for re-building his damaged ability to trust.

I come from a dysfunctional household; my parents regularly yelled, threw tantrums, and used physical force over very trivial matters. Communicating often made it worse, with abusers turning my own words against me.

I started secretly saving money, working longer hours, then one day found a small apartment and moved there overnight. It's possible to get out of those relationships, as they are NOT NORMAL. Only after a year of safety, I began to recover and was able to trust people again.

I say to all whom are in abusive situations - GET OUT, you can! Plan ahead; be very careful, there is plenty of help from social agencies and from your own peers. They'll help you find affordable housing and survival jobs. It's never to late to start all over.

Free!

Many people will appreciate your encouragement and inspiration, from deep personal experience. Thanks for sharing your story.