My friend of 13 years, who's one of my bridesmaids, has been "disappointed" with me for a week. She was friends with my other bridesmaid, but turned that into an awkward situation, too.

Four years ago, we didn't speak for a year. I'd started dating my fiancé, while her then-relationship wasn't going well. Because she was unhappy, I had to be unhappy. She's now "disappointed" because she didn't receive a happy birthday text from me.

She also mentioned three minor things - one from years ago!

Now she has "no time" to go out even for a Christmas coffee. There's no discussing things because she never picks up my calls. She insinuated I was selfish.

Is she worthwhile as a friend and should I keep her in my wedding party or wait a week and see what happens? The girls are going to order their dresses next month. I've also invited her parents and siblings with their families to my wedding, because I'm pretty close with them.

Unsure

Dumping a bridesmaid is a public humiliation. It's a far bigger blow to her than your putting up with her petulant attitude awhile longer. This friendship is getting tired on both sides. But since you only have these two bridesmaids, and you've been close to her family who are all invited to the wedding, grin and bear her through the event.

It's evident that she's of a jealous nature, and nurtures petty complaints. But, given your own state of happiness, you can afford to be generous and even stay above her comments during the pre-wedding period.

After you're married, if she keeps this up, you likely won't have time or patience for her whining or dramas. However, if you're getting so caught up in your own plans that you're truly neglecting a friend, like forgetting her birthday, you need to acknowledge your own part in this.

I used to look forward to Christmas and Easter. However, my daughter has recently married into a family who goes south every Christmas.

It means we don't spend Christmas with her. On Easter, her husband spends it with his friends. Thanksgiving Sunday and Monday he's with his family after football.

So we're continually compromising on dates.

We're close to our daughter and like her husband.

I've had a lot to cope with in my life. Is it too much to ask of our son-in law to ask his parent's to go south every other year, now that there's another family to consider?

We have two daughters and it's difficult on her sister, too.

Upset

Yes, it is too much for YOU to ask of your son-in-law. But it is NOT too much for your daughter to speak up on behalf of her family.

She may have been reluctant, because of the newness of the union, but it's time she said that her partner cannot dominate all the holiday decisions, especially since they leave out her chance to celebrate sometimes with her own family, too.

It's not likely that his parents, who go south every Christmas, will change their plans. But there are many possible compromises. Suggestions - the younger couple can join them later every other year, you and your daughter, if it's affordable, can go south too one year and stay nearby. And Easter with friends can be the day after or before, since family should come first. Make your case to your daughter, without mentioning your hard life... this has to do with family consideration, not guilt.

FEEDBACK Regarding the question about what to do with old diaries written in your carefree youth, when you're unsure about it (Nov. 21):

Reader - "I kept diaries through my teen years. Just before I got married I tore them up and threw them into the incinerator in my building. No way did I want my husband to ever find them!

"I would have died of embarrassment if either of my two daughters or any of my grandkids ever saw some of the things I wrote.

"On the other side of the coin, after my youngest daughter moved out of town, while changing the sheets on her bed, I found a notebook hidden in between the mattress and box-spring. Without realizing what it was, I opened it up and read something really shocking. And I don't shock easily. I couldn't have returned it to her so eventually I threw it out."