I’m wondering if you can help. I’m not on Facebook but one of my family members is and thinks that this group sharing platform is the perfect place to air her dirty laundry about the rest of the family. I have thus far been spared her negative comments, but it’s only a matter of time before I fall under her microscope.
She recently posted about my niece who started taking Ozempic and has lost nearly 40 pounds. We are all so happy for her, especially because she has fought with her weight for years after being diagnosed with diabetes.
The family member posting is a heavy-set woman for no other reason than she eats constantly, unhealthily and doesn’t move her body ever. She’s a secretary in an office and sits at her desk all day. I think she’s jealous of my niece and her weight loss journey.
I’d love to say something to this family member, but I don’t want to do it publicly through social media, nor can I as I mentioned, I don’t even have the app. But I want to stop her badmouthing everyone I care about.
Stop the public shaming
I agree that you shouldn’t say anything on social media. You’re right – that’s not what Facebook was created for or should be used as. Why not meet this relative during the day, on her lunch break? Or invite her over for dinner. Since you’re not under fire, yet, she’ll have no reason not to meet you.
Just be honest. Tell her that her open criticism of different members of your family is hurtful and unnecessary. That if she has a problem with someone, she should be mature enough to talk to them about it. That making fun of people, criticising your loved ones, shaming anyone publicly is just poor behaviour and you’d like her to stop.
Calm, quiet, mature conversation could lead to something deeper between you. Perhaps it’s a cry for help and you’re just what she needs. At the very least, she now knows how everyone feels. And at best, she’ll stop. Worth a try.
I’m gay and met this hot guy recently. We met at an event and really clicked. We met up the next night for drinks and each brought a friend. Everyone got along so well, it was awesome! We got together on the weekend, alone, and went back to his place.
The sex was amazing, and we both really like each other. We’ve been seeing each other now for two months and though I really like him, I want to get to know him better. The problem is that all he ever wants to do is fool around. Like, to him, the relationship is all about the sex. But I want someone I can talk to, hang out with, watch a movie with AND have great sex. Not JUST have sex.
How do I tell him that without pushing him away?
Stop the sex!
Tell him! Tell him that you really like him and love having sex with him but that you want more. Maybe he’s never had a relationship that doesn’t revolve around sex. Maybe he thinks that’s what it’s all about.
Talk to him. If he’s uninterested in getting to know you better, or if he’s unable to hang out with clothes on, he may not be the guy for you. That’s OK too. You’ve only been together for two months.
Not every relationship has to be THE ONE. If he’s only interested in sex, enjoy it for as long as you want and then move on. Neither of you owe the other one anything other than honesty, respect and safe sex.
FEEDBACK Regarding the theft during the home reno (Feb. 18):
Reader – “The contractor and his subcontractor should be reported to the Better Business Bureau!
“The only way other innocent victims will have any chance of knowing to beware of these bad actors, will be if there is a complaint on record with the BBB that potential victims will see when they check in with the BBB before choosing a contractor!”
FEEDBACK Regarding Morning Madness (Feb. 20):
Reader – “This is EXACTLY the purpose of dating - to discover who the other person is. This could be the first of MANY deal breakers.”
Lisi – Or a chance to learn how to work together to solve problems.
FEEDBACK Regarding Shell-Shocked (Feb. 20):
Reader – “Methinks the rude lady with two cute kiddie shovels doth protest too much and mayhap have been light-fingered upon their acquisition, not wanting to divulge that minor detail?”
Lisi – Thanks, Shakespeare! Suspicious minds….