My boyfriend and I dated for five years, broke up for three years; we’ve been dating again for three months. I’m testing to see whether he’s changed.
I’m still puzzled and unsure about taking him back because of his mean character, ruthless attitude, bad habits, no manners, and workaholism. Example: He often brags about his highly-achieved career and earning six figures, yet keeps borrowing money for parking, coffee, drinks, etc.
I wish he could be more of a gentleman, taking care of things, making me feel safe and comfortable. When we dine out, he’s always checking emails on his cell-phone, chatting with friends, colleagues, and his mom. Of course it makes me unhappy.
What shall I do?
We’re both in our late 30s. I’m not getting any younger. I feel pressured from family and friends. They say nobody’s perfect and nag me about seriously settling down with him and getting married.

- Unsure

You’d be amazed how quickly you can feel even older, when you find yourself married to someone who’s wrong for you.
True, nobody’s perfect. But what is there about thinking he’s not-nice, rude and cheap, that you think you can live with, just to label yourself “Married?”
Tell your relatives, friends etc. to back off. They’ll be the first to say, “he was a jerk,” after the divorce.
Since you’re still “puzzled” after three months back together – and after he had three years to change what you disliked before – here’s the objective answer: Change your expectations of this guy… OR, Move on.

I’m female, 26, married eight months; we’d dated for a year beforehand.
My husband refuses to do any housework during the week; he claims his job is mentally very exhausting.
He’s offered to cook for the whole week, over the weekend. But if we don’t get to it, he won’t help me with cooking or cleaning during the week.
He suggests we eat out all week if I don’t cook. But I’m trying to save every penny as we’re planning to buy a house soon and need a down payment.
I do the laundry, clean the washrooms, the sweeping, and mopping. I have a full-time day job and I’m also tired afterward.
If I attempt to talk to him about this, he throws a fit or walks out.

- Miserable

And you’re buying a house together? Hubby’s not yet in a true partnership with you – so far, he calls the shots, is arbitrary, throws tantrums when challenged, and isn’t equally committed to saving for your future.
Forget the down payment for now, and find a process for deciding how you two share the daily responsibilities of a life together. For example, with two incomes, you could hire a cleaning service, and eat out, if that suited you both.
You could save for a house when you’ve both agreed to do so. But currently, you’re total opposites in your basic attitudes. The marriage won’t work for long this way.
Get talking or get counselling.

My mother, 84, needs help going out anywhere.
My brother thinks Mom’s recreation is my duty alone. He visits her briefly, but doesn’t take her anywhere.
How do I get him to pitch in?

- Frustrated Sister

Involve him in a pleasurable way. Invite him to join you and Mom for a lunch or dinner outing; arrange a joint visit at your place. Then suggest you meet next time at his home.
Hopefully, he’ll see Mom as fun, not work.

You receive letters about people who don’t say, “I love you.”
My beloved and I are soon together for 55 years. I can’t recall her ever saying, “I love you.”
There are other ways of showing feelings - when she goes out she’ll say, “you may kiss me.” On returning, she’ll bring something I need or like.
While I’m at my computer, there’ll suddenly be a hug and a kiss. Watching T.V. together, a slap on the hand means, let’s hold hands.

- Acts of Love

Lucky you two! But what works for some, doesn’t work for some others, especially when there isn’t full confidence in their partner, nor mutually-understood love signals, as you two have.
Those who find the lack of love words a problem, usually indicate deeper gaps in their relationships, keeping them insecure. They need communication not only about love but about the silent issues… plus courage to go there.