My girlfriend of six months says she’s wants to be in a relationship with me, but it seems we’re miles apart. She’s always on the phone with friends, or running to a gym, or tired from work and wants to be alone. 

I feel she isn’t really committed to me.

We’re both early-20s. Should I just move on?

- Uncertain

You’re out of sync on how you each define a “relationship.” Dating you exclusively but still having a lot of personal time may be all she’s ready for. 

You seem to want more couple time.

Without specific date nights, or accepted time for each doing your own thing, neither of you knows what to expect.

It’s time to talk openly about each others’ needs and preferences.

If you can’t agree on compromise to make it work, then you’re not the right fit.

During first year of high school, I was physically and verbally bullied by classmates at an all-boys school, with further troubles in subsequent years. 

Occasionally, I’d mention my dislike for the school to family members or close friends.

However, that neighbourhood was fiercely loyal to their alma mater, so I never talk to my brother (an alumnus) and my best friend (a classmate) about it. Yet they constantly bring up why I’m wrong to think negatively about their beloved school.

The talks are unsettling and conjure up awful memories.

- Traumatized

Close the door on this topic. These close people are unwittingly continuing psychological coercion by trying to talk you our of your negative feelings. Be clear and concise: “I had a terrible experience there; you didn’t. If you mention the school, I’m walking away.” And do so. 

Meanwhile, you’d benefit from fully venting your feelings and discussing the bullying with a therapist. It’ll help you come to terms with what happened, and confirm that it was neither your fault, nor faulty perception.

I’m a single working parent to four children ages 19, 16, 14, and 8. 

Two of the teenagers smoke pot and the 16 year-old drinks a lot of beer.

I come home from work to a dirty house. They don’t care what it looks like or if they break things.

I struggle every day making ends meet, with a mortgage that’s 3/4 of what I earn. Everything I do is for them.

I’ve talked to them a zillion of times; they’re my babies and I’ll do whatever it takes. It’s just killing me.

My 16-year-old is now hurting herself because I don’t allow her to do whatever she wants. We’re going to try therapy again.

She said this time she’ll tell everything but didn’t want to get locked up.

- Need Help!

Toughen up, Mom. These children are out of control and so is your misguided indulgence of their behaviour. 

The older teen must get a job and contribute to the household expenses, or leave. The next two teens should get part-time jobs.

Pot and alcohol must be banned in your house; if found, the older ones have to leave, the younger ones are grounded.

Your soft stand hasn’t worked, they have no sense of limits, respect, motivation or ambition… all of which are necessary for them to get along in the world as adults.

You and the 16-year-old both need professional help dealing with the reality of your lives and how to best manage it. She has a whole future ahead in which to achieve way beyond the present, and she needs therapy that aids in developing self-esteem and the confidence that she can do better.

I’m 31, a single female, with a stable job and income, and with a strong desire to become a mother but not necessarily a girlfriend or wife. 

My family is supportive of my raising a child on my own.

I need to find reputable clinics that provide sperm donations, and artificial insemination. I want to get the research going now so that I can take the time to think about it.

- Maternal

To start your location search for reputable Canadian clinics, speak to your doctor; for more across North America plus other countries, go to www.ihr.com/infertility/provider. 

Focus on personal preparedness. Not only do you need a medical check for general and obstetrical health, but you should also undergo counselling (referrals should be available through the clinic) to assure you’re mentally and emotionally ready for all that’s involved in the fertility process as well for the responsibilities of single parenting.