I’m mid-40s, widowed for four years, and together for three with a woman who’d never been in a long-term relationship. I understood that we loved and accepted one another unconditionally.  

On our wedding night three weeks ago, she ignored me to spend time with her guests. I paid for everything. I bought the home and she brought her heavy debt from travelling the casino circuit.

At home with no guests, she adores me. If her friends visit or we go out, I feel I’m “the guy that’s with her this time.”

There’s five to 10 years age-gap between myself, my wife and her many friends.

We’re intimate frequently, 3-4 episodes weekly.

One of our visitors is flirty with her, she basks in it and volunteered that our intimacy isn’t always “good.”

This was startling to me. When confronted, she apologized, then later denied everything.

I can’t seem to find the right words for my issues and our verbal fights escalate. I feel our bond is now distorted.

I’m trying to stay open to fixing this, but my gut says run for it.

- Cut My Losses?

Move slowly awhile, but if nothing changes, run. 

Take a few months to see if both of you settle in to some mutual give and take. Your “unconditional acceptance” is as shaky as hers... you knew some of these things about her beforehand (many friends, younger crowd, no money) and decided to go ahead, even to bearing alone the house purchase. But if your gut instinct proves correct, don’t wait beyond six months to see a lawyer, and consider ending it.

As a fairly young widower, you may’ve been vulnerable and plunged into this relationship too quickly. The age gap isn’t huge, but her lack of discretion and previously carefree lifestyle may well be an uncomfortable fit for you.

Several times I’ve witnessed a public display of child abuse by a lone parent in charge of one or more children, or when the second parent isn’t within view of the abuse.  

In a grocery store, a father painfully twist-burned his child’s arm, not stopping until he discovered he was being observed.

Another recent example - a father who lashed out at a boy no older than 4 and, with a hit, sent him flying and falling in a park.

I spoke to both these men and told them never to injure their children again. Their response was anger at my interference.

What can others and I do in similar situations? Judging by their verbal response to being caught, they’d continue to hurt their children when not being observed, in the future.

- Disturbed Witness

Adult witnesses to child abuse are required by law, in some North American jurisdictions, to report the incident to the police or child welfare authorities. This is for the very good reason you note: If it can happen with impunity in plain view, it’s likely to happen worse behind closed doors, and that child is at risk. 

A clearly harmful physical assault, without shame or explanation, such as these, warrants your contacting the police, and describing what you’ve seen and the location. You do not have to give your name or wait for the police to arrive.

Of course, a thoughtful adult will use discretion. If an overwrought mother grabs her child’s arm as he/she starts to run towards the road, even gently spanks the child’s bottom, you may not agree with her child-rearing methods, but it’s not likely to warrant an official investigation.

I’m in a 32-year lesbian relationship and have had cancer. 

My partner’s close to a female teaching colleague; they’ve gone on class trips together, and slept in the same bed. She insists nothing happened.

She’s admitted she’s no longer in love with me, just cares for me, and refuses to give up this 15-year friendship.

I’m depressed and so dependent on her because of the cancer.

- Help Me Heal

Your relationship has changed but still deserves respect. She’s been honest about her feelings yet is staying with you. 

She has a right to this friendship, but should NOT be sharing a bed with this woman. It sends the wrong message to everyone (including their students).

This emotional low is too difficult to handle alone, while your health is poor: See both your doctor and a therapist to deal with the depression and to regain some independence even within this relationship.