My mother-in-law moved approximately 290 kilometres away 8 years ago; her husband passed and she’s staying there. She doesn’t drive and expects my wife and her sister to drive the 1160 kilometres (there and back, twice) to bring her here for holidays. She also still sees doctors and her dentist here. She usually reimburses my wife for gas but not wear and tear on our vehicles. 

My wife feels guilty about her being alone, so every holiday is spent with her. We never have time to do things on our own, which is ruining our marriage.

Am I being selfish or shouldn’t this woman pack up and move back nearby?

- Long Drive

There are far less selfish solutions. To uproot a recently widowed woman from her everyday friends and comforts there (unless she wants it) is downright mean-spirited. 

Suggesting compromises would show some compassion: Look at the bus/train schedule as an occasional alternate and buy her the trip and a good book as a holiday gift.

Call on her old friends and other relatives to take her out sometimes when she’s staying with you.

Visit her one holiday, and turn it into a fun family excursion (stay at a reasonably-priced hotel, and treat it as a vacation).

Have your wife help her find local health care for convenience for all and faster access to care.

Your marital troubles would lessen if you changed your attitude towards your MIL – she’s not a piece of goods you shift around, rather a family member who needs some thoughtful help adjusting.

My husband of two years has “friends with benefits" (FWB), including a colleague – they meet up when possible.  

She knows he’s married, with a child. Her life is drama; she always needs his shoulders to cry on.

He claims he has no other interest in her.

I’ve discovered that they’ve had cyber sex.

He admitted that he’s a man whore.

He’s a great father, we have a fantastic relationship otherwise. He knows I’m uncomfortable and feels I don’t trust him.

To me, having FWBs equals cheating and lack of commitment.

Do we need counselling?

- Frustrated

You both need your heads examined – you for clear thinking, he for a wake-up alarm. 

Insist that getting couples’ counselling as a condition of your staying together. Or else, be prepared that he’ll be continually cheating emotionally and (inevitably) physically, for years.

He’s self-indulgent, needy of constant female attention, and disrespectful of you and his child.

The FWB is getting what she wants: Your man’s time and caring.

Ask yourself: How long are you willing to put up with this?

I recently relocated with my boyfriend of two years for his job, though I arrived with an unsure future and jobless. 

He soon came home late from work, and told me that he was working with “a pretty girl.” He put extra effort into his appearance the next while, and talked about her.

I don’t want to live with jealousy (been there before). I know that working with someone everyday can develop feelings.

I’m ready to go back home, to not deal with this.

- Worried

Speak up for the relationship, rather than flee. Explain to your boyfriend that this is a sensitive time for you because of the move. 

He needs to bring you into his work sphere as his girlfriend.

If he stays late, you pick him up or meet him there.

If there’s any after-work socializing, you’re part of it.

A year ago, I was a friend’s bridesmaid; I purchased a beautiful gown, the hairpiece, and accessories. 

My cousin is getting married within this year, and cannot afford to buy my bridesmaid dress. So she suggested that I wear that gown, and she’ll make the wedding theme that colour. The guests will be a different crowd.

Is this appropriate and should I tell my friend? Some of my family has seen photos of me in that dress, but my cousin doesn’t care if they notice it’s the same one.

- Concerned

The dress is yours to wear when you please, and your cousin is (wisely) a practical bride. You can wear it exactly as is, or, for a change add a simple scarf/throw to wear down the aisle, and a different piece of jewellery. 

There’s no need to tell your friend, she has no “exclusive” on the use of that dress.