During my friend’s three-week stay with a married couple, the husband constantly tried to grab her butt and crotch whenever his wife wasn’t around.
Finally, he stole one of my friend's underwear and wouldn't return it unless she went to the basement and modelled thongs that he’d bought her.
My friend repeatedly told him that she isn’t interested in him, she has a boyfriend. She’s adamant that she won't ever go back.
Since she didn't tell her girlfriend (the wife) anything, what should she do? Similar things happened on a previous visit but the forced modelling is new.
Another time, the wife saw her husband grab my friend, then blamed her.
P.S. – Something similar happened when my friend was with another married couple, and when she did tell this wife, he was kicked out… but then the wife took him back and dumped my friend.
Your friend should avoid that first man’s presence around her anywhere. He has no regard or respect for her, his wife, nor the women’s friendship.
She must refuse any further contact with him, which means not staying with that couple again.
She carries no blame for his behaviour, but she needs to learn to protect herself. Better to lose a pair of underwear than to have gone into the basement to satisfy the man’s gawking and lust.
That a similar incident happened to her with another man and cost her a friendship with his wife, is now too many experiences of this kind.
Discuss with her the obvious red flags she needs to recognize: Married men who leer at her or try to get close when she’s alone. She’s been too trusting.
In her case, the main reason she’s visited these married couples was her friendship with the wives. If the men had been true friends of hers, they wouldn’t have come on to her.
My friend of 10 years is a drama queen who can be warm and generous, but always steals the “poor-me” limelight even when I’m the one with a serious problem.
Example: I lost my job several months ago so am living on a very reduced budget. She invited me out for a restaurant meal which felt very kind.
However, she whined throughout about being unable to afford the bigger, fancier car she wants and had to settle for another still brand-new car!
She and her live-in boyfriend have booked a two-week vacation south, and she’s also complained repeatedly that it means he won’t be buying the watch she wants for Christmas.
Yet, she calls pretty regularly to see how I’m doing, and brought a warm meal for us to share one recent cold night.
Unfortunately, her goodness comes with her dramas about what’s not perfect in her life.
I’m unsure how long I can take this during my low period. Even when working, my lifestyle’s much simpler.
Tired of Drama
You’re both getting something out of this friendship, so decide if it’s worth it to you. Maybe, despite not appreciating her “whining,” you actually like the keyhole view of the seemingly luxurious life she describes.
Or maybe, though you have less access to “stuff,” her neediness for it makes you feel stronger in character. Her complaints indicate that neither her boyfriend nor her accumulation of goodies are ever fully satisfying for her.
Frankly, I don’t know how you’ve put up with her materialistic chatter and hunger this long. Your choices are to either accept it, discuss it or end it.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man upset that his best friend “stole” the woman he loves (Nov. 10):
Reader – “Any relationship where one partner’s treated as chattel by the other is, or should be, doomed.
“I’ve had my share of broken hearts, but I’ve never reacted in such a cowardly manner as the letter-writer.
“He owes “the girl he loves” sufficient respect that he can accept her decision that she loves another man, even if it’s his best friend. Absent such respect, she’s better off without him.
“The friend should “confess he has feelings for this woman” and “he should’ve asked your permission”? Seriously? It may well be that the (new) couple could’ve handled an awkward situation better, but your writer needs to man up and recognize that he’s out of the game.”
Ellie – Agreed that there are better ways to move in on a best friend’s girlfriend. And that the first relationship was doomed.
Tip of the day:
Avoid a friend’s lustful husband. No free stay is worth risk to you physically/sexually, nor to the friendship.