My husband and I haven’t been intimate in a while. We’ve been trying, but…. it’s just not working. Sometimes it’s him; sometimes it’s me. We love each other but we don’t know what to do. I’m trying to figure things out together, but he’s just pulling away. I think he’s embarrassed – and frustrated.

What should we do?

Love(rs)

I think you would benefit from tackling this problem from both a physical and emotional standpoint. I suggest each of you making an appointment with your family doctor, or together, if your doctor will accommodate and you’re both willing. That will help discover if anything medical is going on and if so, how to treat it.

But I would also suggest finding a sex therapist to talk to together. You may not be aware of each other’s cues, you may be holding on to fears and anxieties that you don’t even realize, you may just need a reset.

The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem and seeking help, which you’ve done by reaching out to me. You’re on your way to a healthier sex life. Be patient and loving with each other.

My wife and I recently both turned 60. We’ve had a good marriage, with some normal ups and downs, I guess. We have two children, both of whom have graduated from university and are working in their fields of choice. Neither of whom live at home (for the foreseeable future).

We both work, in careers we’ve been in for years that we both enjoy. We have friends, family and we keep ourselves busy. Recently, however, I’ve come home from work and my wife is already there waiting for me…… and ready. The first time was an exciting surprise. The second was still a surprise and fun. The third was fun, as were the next several, but I’m concerned. This isn’t normal behaviour on her part. Clearly, I’m enjoying myself, as is she, but I’m worried.

I’m afraid to say anything to her because I don’t want this newfound post-work coitus to end. I would hate for her to think I’m unhappy. Is this normal?

After-work delight

At 60, your wife has more than likely gone through the initial stages of menopause. She may have hit a plateau and has a reignited libido. Lucky her! It’s more common for menopause to cause a decrease in libido for both men and women. Women also often experience physical changes, including vaginal dryness, which can make sexual intercourse painful.

So, if your wife has hit a hormonal moment in which she is interested, willing and able to be intimate with you, I say, go for it and enjoy! I think she would love to hear that you are enjoying your sexual intimacy together.

I’m shocked at the questions that women send you. No men would ever write any of this. In fact, I don’t know any man who would write to you at all. This just solidifies that men and women are different.

Disgusted

Well, you’ve written to me and you’re a man. What difference does it make? And you may be surprised to know that one of my most avid readers and commenters is a man.

I am honoured that I have people from all walks of life, all ages, all genders, all races write to me with their questions. And I answer everyone equally. Contrary to what some think, I am not biased toward anyone. I was born a woman and still identify as such, and as a result, my experiences are from a woman’s perspective, true. But I do my best to answer the question, no matter who the letter writer.

So, go ahead. Ask away!

FEEDBACK Regarding the still mean girls (Nov. 22):

Reader - “My exact response! ‘Walk into that party and hold your head high. You know who you are, all that you have accomplished, and you have NOTHING to be afraid of.’

“Buy yourself a new outfit, dress to impress, and then use your self-description as your elevator pitch, if necessary. You SHOULD be proud!

“Today I am comfortably retired. All the high school bullies are now envious of me. You know what they say, ‘Karma can be a bitch.’”

FEEDBACK Regarding the 80-year-old looking for more sex (Nov. 21):

Reader – “There is some evidence that hypersexuality and inappropriate sexual behaviour (ISB) are among the earliest signs of early-onset frontotemporal dementia. However, this may not be the case for every person with dementia. Some may never display hypersexuality, while others may start from the beginning.”