My boyfriend of several years and I built a relationship of love, mutual respect and trust. I have a child with whom he's formed a strong bond, and we plan to all live together.

But I'm weary from how long everything's taking, and why. He's heavily reliant on his parents. He's been poor with money in the past (has debt), and still wastes money.

As an unsupported single parent, I must be extremely careful financially; I work very hard for very little. His work is sporadic; he can go for months unemployed...times when he's even less careful with money.

He's living with his parents. They continue to help him and then grumble to me! He's helpful in many ways, but I'm scared we'll always be struggling with money.

He says I'll always be a good influence on him, which suggests I'll be worrying about money while he's spending it. I want him to sort this out prior to moving together, so I can feel secure. Should I keep waiting?

Concerned

Fact: He relies on everyone but himself. Prediction: You'll always be struggling with, and about, money. Override: IF you and his parents can agree it's time for this charming spender to grow up, and IF you all cut him loose, he may take responsibility for his finances, and for becoming the stable provider you need.

It means his parents have to ask him for rent, and insist that he keeps a job to pay them; plus, they have to refuse requests for extra cash.

It means that you have to put off talk about moving in together. Your position should be that you need a six-month break from a relationship that's in limbo, while he's squandering the chance to make a home with you and your child.

It's up to you and his parents to set these firm boundaries; it's up to him to prove he's a stand-up guy who can be counted on as a future partner.

I'm 21, a Christian man from Tallahassee; two years ago some people lived in the house next door to my 15-acre place and they didn't bother me because I live seven acres back.

However, one day when my family and I were driving by they were standing in the middle of the road down the street where others live. When we went around them they screamed profanity and really acted ugly. I know it was wrong but we told them off without profanity of course and called the police.

Meanwhile, another neighbour was trying to be on their side, acting stupid himself. They all received a warning from the police and the first group moved two months later.

But the man down the street still lives there. I saw him today, and snubbed him. I know that wasn't especially Christian but I haven't let go of my extreme dislike for him. I can't afford to see a therapist. What should I do?

Bad Feelings

Talk to a pastoral counsellor from your Church (usually free) or a counselor from a non-profit Christian organization. Neighbour disputes should be resolved as early as possible, or can become major feuds with uncomfortable, even nasty, repercussions.

But your ill will towards this neighbour is blocking you from a reasonable approach. It's also making you feel guilty within your own value system. Talking to someone who can remind you how forgiveness, compassion, and charity can help you rise above this negative reaction, will help you get past this incident.

My husband goes out two to three times weekly with friends and doesn't come home until 10:30p.m. -1a.m. What I'm wondering is, is this normal?

It seems inconsiderate to wake me up at that hour if I'm sleeping and it doesn't feel right. I have spoken to him about it and he doesn't seem to want to change.

Tired and Upset

You provide too little detail for a knowledgeable answer from me...but it's a clue to how you're mis-handling this with indirect suggestions.

Speak up and deal head-on with what's really bothering you: Did he always go out like this or is this new behaviour? Is he doing something of which you disapprove, e.g. drinking excessively, doing drugs, gambling? Do you suspect him of cheating yet avoid asking the question about what's going on?

Marriage has to involve a continuing two-way conversation, or it becomes a battle of wills.