I’m a woman age 27, with a new high-profile job who now gets asked out by men who are hoping to eventually attend a celebrity event with me.
But my problem is about what’s happened twice already. Each time, my date drank alcohol without restraint, since drinks are usually free at those parties.
Next, I was grabbed by one date in an unwelcome way. On the other date, it was suggested that we leave the party for a hotel room to have sex.
I had to insist that each man leave immediately. With one I even threatened to get security help.
How else can I handle these dates other than always attending events alone?
This is about you and your job, not about dating jerks (though they pursued you).
If your high-profile job includes your being present at events important to the company that employs/pays you, there’s likely no call for a tag-along.
If, for some reason, an escort is required, ask your boss for a list of whom you can/should invite.
However, with more confidence in your job and your own social skills, you can better enjoy going on your own and “working the room.”
It’s often more interesting, great for building contacts, plus a positive, visible way of enhancing your work profile.
Dear Readers - Each “story” in a relationship column tells the personal details of someone else’s life.
Readers’ similar past or present situations are often helpful to a letter-writer. Your comments form a conversation between the letter-writer, my response and your own lived experience.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the bride-to-be who was “insulted” about the suggestion of a pre-nuptial agreement (November 22):
Reader – “My husband and I love each other and trust each other… but no one knows what’ll happen down the road.
“Within a year of dating, he (my then-boyfriend) and I sat down and wrote out all of our finance information:
“Earnings, savings, loans, investments, assets, liabilities, etc.
“If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, then make sure there are no secrets.
“My boyfriend signed a loan contract, rent and shared-expense agreements BEFORE he moved into my small house.
“When we got married, all life insurance policy beneficiaries were changed. Power of Attorney’s (P of A) and Wills were completed, with a written agreement that neither person’s Will could be changed without a signature from the other.
“A prenuptial agreement, regularly updated if necessary, Wills, P of A, life insurance and other agreements should be completed, properly witnessed, and reviewed to ensure nothing in your lives would require document changes.
“At least annually you should both sit down and go over the banking.
“Make sure you have all the computer passwords necessary to get into those accounts, just in case something happens i.e. accident, illness, etc.
“I’ve seen too many men and women end up with the short stick, after years of hard work.
“Years have passed and our blended family have been informed who our Executor is and why they were chosen. We informed the kids what we want our ‘final arrangements’ to be. We have outlined in general how assets will be distributed via the Wills, and told them it is always subject to change.
“Pre-nups, Wills, P of A are signs of love.
“They show that you care enough about your partner, that you want to put it in writing. That way, YOU will never be destitute if something unexpectedly happens to your partner or your relationship.”
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the husband who “never wanted to marry (her),” (November 29):
Reader – “It’s three years since my separation after 26 years. I thought I had a pretty good marriage, but discovered that my ex was leading a double life and is a psycho-path.
“Yet he came from the most loving parents and siblings.
“I got a great lawyer, had all my in-laws, best friends and my family to hold me up and made it through.
“My kids (who have no contact with their father because he’s a danger to them) and I are surviving with lots of counselling.
“My entire marriage, engagement and our dating, was a lie. I was just a good cover for him to marry and look “normal.”
“The letter-writer should never belittle herself by “letting” him stay in the house. The best advice I got was, “forgiveness is accepting your past as reality.”
Tip of the day:
Separate socializing as part of your job from your personal dating life.