My boss is a female friend who trusts me with private matters at work. Yet I’m reticent (shy) about asking her for my own needs - more pay, paid vacation, upgrade from part-timer to full-time with benefits. I’ve mentioned these once, but nothing happened.

She also doesn’t pay me for any days off, like a full-timer gets. So I work even when I’m sick.

She did say she couldn't offer me anything full-time, but she’d “arrange” vacation pay. She didn’t.

I don't want to lose this job, but it's frustrating that she takes me for granted.

I’ve tried to find another job and there’s nothing out there for me. How can I raise things again without getting upset and feeling unappreciated?

She frequently takes vacations, sick days, misses work whenever and cannot see that I’m always there taking care of things while she’s gone. She knows my financial needs, yet doesn’t help me with options.
I don't want her to see me as a friend anymore. She hates dealing with complainers. I wish we both knew how to separate friendship from work.

Desperate

Only you can take care of you, and re-set the atmosphere. Your boss is no fool, has a good thing in you, and knows she’s taking advantage but convinces herself it’s okay because you need this job. That’s about being your employer, not about being your friend.

Keep looking elsewhere even while trying to resolve some of these issues. Take any workshops possible, to upgrade your skills and potential.

It’s your feeling that you have no choice that keeps both of you from direct, professional conversations.

Meanwhile, write a list of what work you do, your record of no sick days, days off, or vacations, and no benefits. (Many contract workers and part-timers have no benefits and get paid only for days there… bosses know exactly what they’re doing in saving those costs).

Mention that you appreciate the good rapport and believe you also provide help to her in her position, that way.

With this report, present your professional request for what you need. Don’t threaten to leave if you don’t get it, but do look harder for another job.

(Note: People are rarely fired for being normally ambitious, so long as they’re not troublemakers).

I’m not okay with a friend who refuses to use social media, but then expects me to keep her updated on what everyone’s saying or doing!

I don’t mean to be harsh, but if she’d briefly scan Facebook she’d have known about the last Pool Party. It’s not my fault that she didn’t know.

It’s her choice to not be connected, knowing that 95% of our friendship group pretty much relies on FB to plan and communicate.

She’s missed several social occasions. If I learn about something REALLY important (births, deaths, etc.), I share with her, but otherwise I don’t think it’s up to me. What do you think?

Not Your Secretary

If SHE’s calling you out on not informing her, then, sure, you have reason to respond that it’s not something you have time for or feel responsible for.

But I’m detecting a lack of acceptance for different views and approaches to social media. After all, some friends really can’t be on FB much due to the time constraints of work/family/commute. Others like the old-fashioned connect of a phone call.

Your position seems to be, “if you want to be in our group, you have to do exactly as we do.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the university student who was hiding his “probation” status in the program his parents preferred (Sept. 4):

Ellie – I urged him to be honest and tell them which program he wanted and felt confident he could handle.

Reader #1 – “I’m that student. Thank you. I finally gathered the courage to sit down with my parents and figure out what to do going forward.

“I’m now enrolled in the program of my choice and very happy after they emphasized that they only care about my happiness.”
Reader #2 – “Tell all students that they can discuss their needs with their academic advisor, seek campus counseling services for help with stress, and talk to academic advisors in other programs they prefer, to discuss eligibility and the best timing for a switch. Universities want students to succeed and this young man shows every sign of being successful in the right program.”