We met when I was 17, soon going off to university. We were never officially together - I had low self-esteem and thought he'd never want to be with me officially. So I told him to not let me stop him from finding someone else.

I went away to school; he stayed home. I was with a few other men but told him I wasn't. We kept contact; I fell in love with him and told him so. I found out he fell in love with another girl. I was heartbroken, so told him about the guys I'd been with.

In my last year, I was still talking to another guy. I lied to him about it but confessed afterwards. When I returned home, I stopped talking to anyone else and thought we should give "us" a real chance.

Our relationship was "secret" (still is). Six years later, I'm wanting to make things official but he still says no as what I did in the past causes doubts in his mind. He says I only want him because I'm at home.

But he hurt me too and he's been talking to other girls in the last six years. I feel so badly about the past and what I did, but I can't change it. He says I'm being selfish because I'm not getting what I want and I'm causing issues in our relationship. I want a real relationship.

I'm not happy yet feel like he's the one for me. He often says he loves me and that he sees me being his wife one day.

How long do I wait? Does this relationship even have a chance? I want more.

Past Barriers

Make a move - take your relationship public or end it. One of you has to break this impasse which has you both stuck on old stories that have no relevance to whether you can "make it" in the future.

You were very young and away from home.... seeing other guys was part of developing later certainty about loving this man. But his attitude closed off years ago, which shows immaturity and foolish pride.

You both had involvements with other people. If you both can't get over that, you'll continue to have issues and arguments about it. Tell him it's time to wipe the slate clean and commit to being a couple. If he refuses, forget him. The "secret" has already gone on too long.

My daughter, 15, is just starting to go to parties where I believe there's sometimes alcohol smuggled in. We always drive her and pick her up, but I often see a troubled look on her face after one of these events.

I've asked her about what goes on, but she closes up and says, "Nothing." What else can I do to protect her from whatever it is that has her concerned?

Worried Dad

Keep communicating, but don't interrogate her. Without seeking specifics, talk generally and regularly, about social life at school, her friendships, etc. Say how proud you are of her and the good choices she's made so far. Leave lots of openings for her to say more.

Learn ahead where the parties are being held and make sure there's at least one trustworthy parent who's going to be on site. If your daughter keeps showing signs of being unhappy after these parties, suggest she miss a few until she feels more confident that it's a crowd she trusts, and situation where she's comfortable.

I'm 22, getting a post-graduate degree and in line for a job in my field. I've lived with my divorced dad for years, and like the woman he's been dating for two years. Now I've learned they're getting married and moving outside town, too far for me to commute to where I'll be working. I wasn't consulted about my feelings, just told.

They've said they'll help me find my own place and with finances until I can afford it on my own. But I still feel betrayed.

Hurt

You're willing to move on yourself, but refusing to see that your dad has the same rights to another phase of life now that you're grown and close to independence.

They haven't betrayed you at all, they're eager to help you with this change, but you're naturally anxious about it. However, it's clear that they'll both remain loving and supportive parents. Lucky you!