I recently discovered, unintentionally, that my live-in boyfriend of four years has been talking online very inappropriately to a female friend, ever since we’d started dating. She offered him sex regularly. They discussed moving in together before he moved in with me, how he didn’t really love me, and how they were in love. 

When confronted, he said it meant nothing, that these conversations were just ego-strokes, that his friends knew about this woman, and that he’d stop talking to her immediately.

I’m trying to believe all this, and I want nothing more than to move on, because I still love him despite this betrayal. However, every time he’s chatting online, I get suspicious and worried.

Every time he sees his friends I wonder why they never said anything about it to me.

How should I move on?

- Betrayed

Don’t “move on” as before; instead, STOP, and take stock. 

Two red flags to consider closely: 1) His ego is a major player in this situation. Explore why he wasn’t “stroked” enough by his relationship with you.

2) His friends are like a posse of attention-givers; they accepted his online straying in order to keep hearing the stories. You can’t rely on them for common-sense advice to him or you.

This guy sounds highly insecure, willing to take a huge risk with your feelings and the relationship, in order to puff himself up.

A break may be the only way to get a cooler perspective on whether he’s worth your taking the risk of being a couple again.

I’m male, age 18, and have an 18-month daughter with a woman whom I cheated on (which I totally regret). 

I want to start over with her and I’m sure she does, too. But sometimes she says she loves me and sometimes she says she hates me.

Is there still a chance or should I let it go?

- CONFUSED

You can’t “let go” your responsibilities for your daughter, no matter what happens with her mother, so behaving in a trustworthy way is now crucial for everyone. 

Apologize to her, and do everything to show her you’re committed despite your bad mistake. That means actions, not just words – help out with your child’s care, contribute financially the best you can, and work to get ahead in your education and skills.

You’re young but must now step up to the role of father, which you created.

Our large department is widespread in a large open-office space; one colleague has a big persona, a loud, screechy voice, and mocks others. She flicks on “her” radio station, yells for people’s attention, complains if she’s kept waiting for five minutes, yet schedules meetings and keeps us waiting for 40 minutes before actually starting.  

Her harsh cackle makes our skin crawl.

She’s worked there for longer than the rest of us.

The boss works in a separate area and has no idea of her effect on us.

I believe she’s a good person who’s unaware of her own behaviour, but she’s driving us crazy.

- Office Screecher

Those who feel closest and kindest should talk to her privately and explain that the noise level is a problem in that space, and affects others’ work. 

Ask if she can just “tone it down, please.” Leave out the “big persona” part; she can’t help that.

However, if she reacts badly, you’ll need to go to the boss with a petition signed by as many people as possible.

My best friend and I initially had crushes on each other, but I turned him down because of our cultural differences. We decided to be good friends, instead. 

However, at first he was angry and told his friends I’d “led him on.” They still hate me and think I’m a only friend with him to get attention. He’s tried to tell them otherwise, but they won’t listen, so we can’t all be out together.

He’s 22, so why can’t they respect his decisions?

Is the friendship worth the drama?

- Uncertain

He’s not standing up for this friendship. He must bring you along to hang out with them and be open that you two are close pals. 

OR, he’s the one who wants some attention, he said worse things about you than he’s admitted, and the drama is coming from his embarrassed reluctance to have all his friends in one group.

Ask questions.