My husband had a brief affair with a co-worker a year ago. She contacted me to tell me. He admitted it, but said he’d immediately regretted it and had been trying to "break up" with her ever since.

We’ve been through counselling and made positive changes in both of us that brought us closer together. Our relationship’s stronger.

But “she” engaged in all kinds of irrational behaviour, which eventually stopped when we involved the police.

She hasn't made contact for a long time, but still works at the same organization (they don't work together, have no contact).

It appears she's moved on. But now that I have recommitment and honesty from my husband, and distance from her, I’m angry and bitter that nothing happened to her.

As far as I know, her husband doesn't know about the affair. She’s going on with her merry life as if nothing happened, while I've been going through hell piecing mine together. How do I let this go?

Holding the Pieces

Reality Check: Her life isn’t “merry.” Even if her husband doesn’t know, she’s a needy, irrational woman dissatisfied in her marriage.

Meanwhile, you’ve achieved a far more connected bond with your husband, overcoming the initial shock and hurt. You’ve made changes in yourself too, so had the wisdom to perceive this was also needed.

The brief affair was a clear mistake in judgment from a man who recognized it, loves you, and is committed to you.

You come out on the lucky, happier side. She, unfortunately, was an unhappy loser from the start.

However, if you cannot get past this, better get to therapy yourself so that you don’t do something foolish. Example: Telling her husband would be a mistake, as it’d bring the whole matter back into your own life.

Is it fair for me to ask my son's girlfriend to contribute to the household expenses, and/or household chores, when she spends three or four nights a week at our apartment?

For three months, she’s been working in our city, and as her family home’s an hour away, she eats and sleeps here.

My son, who recently graduated college, is now paying room and board, an amount that doesn’t fully cover his own expenses, never mind hers, too.

I really like this young woman, but don’t feel it’s my responsibility to keep her and clean up after her. She has two able parents.

Last week I gave my son two options to put to her:

1. I’ll clear a space in the fridge and cupboard for her to put her own groceries, and I expect her to accept responsibility for a small portion of the weekly household chores.
2. Pay $25.00 per week to offset her expenses.

She’s not happy about either option and so far nothing has changed.

Unreasonable?

Not unreasonable, but clearly unexpected, and possibly not well explained.

You like her, but you’re not her housekeeper. Even if she only stayed over one night a week, she should be cleaning up after herself, helping with a shared meal in some way (e.g. paying for a take-out dinner, just to show appreciation.)

Especially since your son’s contributing financially, she should understand this apartment is not a freebie rooming house.

BUT, you like her, and perhaps she’s never been shown the practical side of living “at home” by her own parents. So, talk to her yourself, kindly.

What you’re asking for is not much money or effort. It’s about respect, and participating, not just taking.

My fiancé’s friend was like a sister to him. They’ve grown apart in recent years, but he’s adamant that she be invited to our wedding.

She’s now in a long-term, live-together relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

He and I dated for several years, but I cut him from my life completely to avoid complications with his new girlfriend.

I don’t have feelings for him anymore, but it feels awkward when I run into him (rarely).

I have no issues inviting her. Is it rude to exclude my ex? Am I justified in this? Or should I invite them both and hope he doesn’t show up?

Etiquette versus Feelings

They’re a couple, with common-law status. You’d be rude and likely raise much speculation for your unjustified reasons, if you exclude him.

You’re getting married; neither of them has interfered with your own happiness and wedding plans. Rise above this unnecessary awkwardness.