I'm a mature man. Two years ago, I stupidly went to a brothel where I met a prostitute in her mid-40's.

She said she had to do that work because she had debts. So I helped her with $10,000 - but then she wanted more.

I kept supporting her (over $5000 monthly for 18 months) until she got a legitimate job.

She lied that she loved me, but we never had sex because she said sex was abusing her life. I also gave her a car.

She said she’d left her abusive and bankrupt husband shortly before I met her.

Now she lives with her two older teens.

I never knew her real story. She kept lying and just wanted my money. But I believed she wanted to have a normal life so I kept helping her.
Now she has a decent income, but still wants me to pay her $1500 rent for a while.

I have a good job and a wife. I never had sex with that woman after the one time. I felt guilty, and so I helped give her a new life.

Am I a stupid man who was used by an opportunist, or a user? Or, was I too kind?

Why can't I forget this woman? I still love my wife. Am I depressed? What shall I do?

Being Used

You were hooked by a skillful liar and user, as a mark who could afford her demands.

Whether this made you feel needed, and provided some mid-life excitement, only you and a process of therapy can determine.

Since you still love your wife, get to a therapist fast. This other woman can expose the whole story if she chooses. That’s when you can lose more than money - i.e. your wife and your self-respect.

Tell her as a final goodbye that you wish her well. Do NOT refer to your financial help (in case she’s recording your conversation).

Then change your contact information. You need to get back to your own life and spouse.

Over 20 years ago, my husband and I met a couple with many similar interests. We’ve travelled a lot together.

We hung out as couples. Several years ago, they had a daughter, whom we adore. We saw them less often, but still frequently. They’d befriended lots of parents of kids she knows, and we’re childless, so we understand.

A couple of years ago, the woman started distance running. We barely see her, and she seems to barely see her husband and daughter. When we suggest getting together, she’s usually running or with her “gym friends.” Her husband and the child are available, not her.

When they do see us, she spends the whole time texting her trainer and running group.

Should I give up on the friendship? I worry about her marriage, because it seems that her friendship with her trainer is more than platonic, but this may only be my sense of rejection talking. Her husband seems fine with it all.

Should I just be happy to see her once in a blue moon?

Can't Share Obsession

Yes, accept getting together as a sometime event. Parenthood changed this couple’s life, which is not unusual. Running and her training may be the needed balance to her parenting role.

If she’s obsessed to the point of negligence to her family, or he’s more than a trainer, it’ll become obvious.

Then both the husband and child will be lucky to still have your support. Stay in contact when it’s possible.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman knowing about her two friends’ cheating (July 25):
Reader – “Those women are well aware of the consequences, and are willing to put their whole life on the line for a temporary rush.

“I had a similar experience, and told my friend about my concerns for her, saying it was because I care.

“I received a backlash on how my life isn’t perfect either, and she has the right to do whatever she likes. We’re no longer friends. The affair was exposed later. I also became the bad guy to her husband, for knowing and not telling him.
“What I’d do differently now, is tell a friend that what she/he is doing is not okay, and I won’t be around as long is it’s going on.

“I learned that someone who can be disloyal to their spouse, won’t stay a loyal friend to you, either.”